Partners in crime..

I have this friend, that nobody knows about.. Let me introduce "him"..

We have a date every morning, around 9 o clock. Sometimes if I'm feeling down, I'll meet "him" during the day, sometimes even at night.. which is asking for trouble.

My weight at the moment, I haven't yet told you. To do so, would be like a confession.. I would have to be so honest and it would be like letting everyone in.. I would be taking down all the "barriers".. Because it's my own "thing". I can't bring myself to be honest about it. The only people who know at the moment are my mother and the doctor.. and that's enough for now..

It's like my companion, my friend, my "partner in crime"... "Me, my weight and I".. "It's "him" and I against the world.." When the day comes that I will be able to be honest about the lowest my weight has ever gotten, then I know I will have "split-up" . I will have ended the "relationship", I will have "dumped" that awful friend. This so-called "friend", who has a bad influence on me and gets me high whenever "he's" kind to me, and whenever I have control over "him"..
A "friend" who forces me to do abuse my body, the most precious thing in the world.. Who needs a "friend" like that? I know I don't, but saying goodbye to someone who has formed such a large part in your life, no matter how bad this "friend" can make you feel, can be the hardest thing to do in the world..

So for now, I cannot let "him" go.. I know the longer you leave the break-up, the harder it gets, because you get more and more attached. But it is far too soon to even think about letting go.. Please, just let "him" comfort me for just a little bit longer.. I will treasure the time we have left together..