The long weekend - 2

Saturday morning, came round very quickly. But I was okay. Just tired. I wasn't stressed though or worried or even excited. Throughout the "build-up" towards Saturday I became more and more convinced that I was able to get through the weekend and I was going to be fine. 2 days away from home, in unfamiliar surroundings with "unsafe" food, was going to be okay. I just grew more and more confident that I could do this, the nearer the weekend got. So that's probably what made me feel okay on Saturday morning. Every step of the journey, was just another moment. The car journey, the airport walk, the waiting for the flight and the flight itself.. they were all just little parts of the here and the now. Being nervous or anxious about food and people wasn't going to serve me, so I didn't see the point. I took it all in my stride.

It wasn't until the plane landed (after a 30 minute fight from Dublin to Cork), that I got excited because I was going to be seeing Shellie and Kate again. From the plane to the arrivals hall was only 5 minutes (such a small airport, it was so handy) and there they were waiting for me, Shellie, Kate and Jayne (Mickeys sister). Straight away it was like old times, seeing the girls. So great. I was excited and overwhelmed and relieved and happy to be there at that moment. Especially when I met Jayne. I'd heard so much about her. And she welcomed me with open arms. Looking at her, gave me such a fright though..Mickey and her look so much a like. I wasn't really prepared to be faced with the female version of him (even though she is 3 older).

The drive up to Ballingarry (a tiny little village where they live, out in the middle of nowhere, in county Tipperary), was an hour and a half. Me and Shellie were catching up on everything, as we were on the back seat together. I was kind of wary, whenever the subject came up about my life and the past months. I didn't know whether to talk about what I've been going through. Shellie knew about it but not to any extent and I'm still not sure if she told Kate or not. The moment I'd been dreading the most, was the question about me and what I'm doing for work and stuff. So Jayne asked if I've settled over here again, and I said that I hadn't. I didn't have a prepared "speech" about my life since I've gotten back from Oz. I knew what to say though.. I told her that I'd been in Holland for a while and things went wrong for me, so I came back to Ireland months ago to spend some time with my ma, brother and sister to get myself sorted out again, and I'm doing good again and that I hope to be travelling again soon. Then Kate asked I was working and I simply said that I wasn't. So I was delighted with myself! My very brief life-story had come together, I hadn't lied about anything and hadn't given away any details either. Everything was going to be fine..

The reason for me being fine with this question that I was so worried about during the week, was down to some advice I got. The person who asks a question wouldn't see the answer as being such an exposure or as big an issue as I would see it. Because it's the big deal I make of it myself and the meaning that's behind the question for me..not for the person who is asking the question. For them (or Jayne and Kate in this case) the answer isn't really a big biggie.. Twisting to answer I gave, to not reveal anything I didn't feel comfortable with, was the thing that made me feel comfortable at that moment... it's all about boundaries and interpretation. A little theory put into practise and it worked out fine. And another thing..it also shows that worrying about things, like I did, is just a waste of precious energy and time and doesn't help a bit!
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