Another day, another battle

I've just had my yogurt.
I still feel weak.
But I feel full.
And slightly sick.
I also feel bloated.
I want energy.
My body knows it needs food.
So I want to stuff my face.
But I know the consequences.
I will then want to walk.
And I will then want to starve.
So I have to resist food.
My body wouldn't be able digest anything more.
Not at this present time.
So I'm counting the hours.
The hours until I'm allowed.
Until I'm allowed to have my extra.
That's 1 more hour to go.
For now I have to keep busy.
I have to keep my mind off food.
This is nearly impossible.
Time creeps by so slowly.
As it does my stomach starts burning.
The sensation of it being stretched.
My body trying take as much as it can.
From the tiny bit of food that I really didn't want.
I didn't want because of last night.
I had some rice and vegetables.
I then didn't want to eat ever again.
I had enjoyed it too much.
I had cleared the plate.
I would have eaten more.
I was a pig and felt so full.
All evening it stuck in my head.
I couldn't stop worrying.
Worrying about what was happening.
Happening on the inside.
How my body was struggling.
I could see it turning into fat.
Fat that I wasn't burning.
Because I was sitting down.
My body didn't need that food.
I would have been happier to starve.
I would have felt good.
I would have had a nice dizzy feeling.
The feeling in my head.
That familiar feeling in my forehead.
It tells me I'm being strong.
That I am damaging myself.
And that's good.
While everyone is munching.
I'm resisting temptation.
I'm not eating the chocolate.
I've switched off to me even considering to eat it.
But it's right there in front of me.
I want to stay awake as long as possible.
That way I might burn the rice.
I might survive this week without gaining weight.
I'm already thinking about my next dinner.
I'm planning my Sunday menu.
I'm drooling at the thoughts.
It will be my creation.
It will be delicious.
I cannot wait.
It's 20 hours away.
But what will I do to make me hungry.
I will have to have a busy Sunday.
I can keep my brain occupied.
If my legs will not be working.
If they are weak and tired.
Using my brain will burn calories.
I will have a productive day.
Then I will enjoy dinner.
With so many different spices.
Spices that will make my mouth explode.
It will be my personal party.
But nobody is invited.
It will be just me and my food.
I will want to be alone.
Nobody watching or observing.
It's me and my own food against the world.
I will fulfill my dream dinner.
It will be bliss.