My first Acupuncture treatment

Yesterday, Tuesday..

We made an appointment to go to acupuncture..
And what an ordeal it turned out to be.

Alternative treatment can be a real outcome for people dealing with different issues, such as depression, cancer, alcoholism and stress just to name a few. For anorexics it can also be an outcome. It can help the metabolism, the digestive system, help the stomach, relieve the tension in your head, help with stress levels, relax the body and it can help the body regain energy. All in all, sounds good as extra treatment.

So we went yesterday afternoon. The guy I went to see, his name I don't even remember..
he needed to "consult" me first. He wanted to know why I felt I needed the treatment. Well, I just thought I'll just tell him I'm anorexic and that will be it. But no. It wasn't as straight forward as that, unfortunately (with me, nothing seems to ever to be that straight forward). Acting partially as counselor, he wanted to know how long it has been going on for, why it started and lots of other questions. Then he was trying to figure out where it had all gone so terribly wrong with my health and in what direction I was heading. He was not being clear at all. I couldn't grasp what the hell he was on about. He was wrecking my head, and was making me feel like a total and utter gobshite, me sitting there just not knowing what in godsname he's pushing to find out.. He even started asking me if I wanted children.. If I wanted a relationship.. stuff like that. I didn't know what the hell was going on. It was all such a daze and because I was still processing my session with Diann that I had just had 1 day earlier (who approaches it all totally different), my head was being messed with. He got me so worked up, it was like I wasn't sitting there in his office, it wasn't me, I was having one of those out-of-body experiences.. I just wanted to run, I just wanted to get out of there.. My head couldn't deal with all this.. What was he doing to me!! So I got myself that worked up, because I didn't have a clue in what direction my life is going and because I couldn't answer (I felt like I was 5 years old..humiliation and stupidity even) that I just exploded, "I don't know what is going on!", burst into tears and was about to leave, but stopped myself.. Sat there like a baby, crying (my god, I keep on thinking that my tears should have run out by now.. but no.. they keep on popping up when I least expect them to).. Thank god my mam was there.. My god, I never expected this to turn into such a Drama!

The reason I didn't leave was because I knew that I had to give this a try. I needed it, and I would only feel like a failure if I were to walk out without seeing it through. So I stayed.

Once I had calmed down, he got me realize what it was he wanted me and him to realize. I came to him for help. He said he would help me, that I will reach out and he will grab my hand. And where is it we will be going? To better health. And why to better health? Because I have CHOSEN to get better. I was MY decision and with his guidance and my determination, I can get there. I had once chosen to live my life in certain way, that had made me ill. The wrong choice. Now I have chosen to live my life in a different, and this will make me better. IT WAS ME WHO MADE THE DECISION TO GET BETTER SO I WILL SEE IT THROUGH.

The first thing that came into my mind..."Why didn't you just say that to start off with...".. A no, not really. He needed and wanted me to see that myself. And he is right. Another realization. But it was tough man... wrecked my brain..

After that long and torturous chat, he said that the two of us need to be on the same level if this is going to work, you need to be able to communicate. He reckoned we are, or else he wouldn't agree to treat me. Well, what an honest young man he is.. and to think, I've forgotten his name.. but afterall it was an out-of-body experience, so that's probably why.

Then I had the acupuncture done. I'm usually not that great with needles, but after that chat, and how exhausted I was feeling, I told him I would be fine. And I was. I just got 8 needles stuck into me (stomach, hands and legs). This will be increased each time I have a treatment. It didn't hurt and I had a half an hour to relax. It was heaven to be honest. Afterwards I felt totally drained, and slow (even slower than my normal pace..if that's possible..haha), and drowsy but in a nice way.

He then gave me "homework". I have to say to my myself , 10 times a day "this is my choice". and then I have to finish the sentence "I choose to...". So I have to finish the sentence with whatever direction in life I will choose. I can do that. Not sure what direction just yet.. But choosing good health I reckon is a start..

All in all.. there's a lot more to acupuncture that meets the eye. My next appointment won't be for another 3 weeks. But that gives me enough time to fully realize that without my 100% commitment, help is help and will only work best when you take absolutely everything out of it.. And that's exactly what I intend to do!