Wednesday Evening 30-07

Today has been a bit a daze.
But in a good way.
I've been feeling light headed and dizzy and weak all day. But on the inside I'm not feeling shit. I have eaten my meals. I have felt strong. This morning, I was in a battle.. who is in my head, who am I listening to? It was so clear that both Anna and Fay were there. As I stood in the shower they were wrecking my brains. I stood in the mirror convincing myself I was fat. But Fay still wanted me to eat my extras, and she wanted me to do things, she wanted me to do some writing and do some research on internet and she told me that I need to eat to do these things. Then Anna was there, Niamh, you can do all that, without food.. O god, they are driving me mad!!! I just wanted to stop thinking about it all, I wanted to stop analyzing it all.. I was starting to drive myself crazy..

And then my first savior of today..my little sister Eileen said we'd go down town, in the taxi of course.. no walking for this little old lady listening to Fay, storing my calories.. So, I was out and about, taking it easy, chatting with a cup-a-tea.
And then my second savior of today..my cousin Mark.. You star! All your wise words were hitting home and just made my day complete! They all hold so much truth and have given me so much joy today.

So, this has been a joyous day, in my head.. I have to take as much from days like these as possible, they are so precious, I don't know when the next one will be.. So thank you Eileen and Mark for making me feel human! You are both 2 little stars!

Love you all lots xxx