Anger and Frustration

Her ugly doll, Anna, has just received a beating..
Anger and frustration.
It builds and builds.
It makes her withdrawn.
Not realizing why she don't care about anything.
Not really knowing there's an explosion on the horizon.
But suddenly it's triggered.
And it feels so good.
But at the same time, it's like another person.
It cannot be her going ballistic?
She's an outsider looking in.
Looking at this person, watching a scene from a movie.
This person distraught, crying like a baby.
Not knowing how and where it all went so wrong.
Trying and fighting to get back to better health.
But still struggling all the time.

Nobody understanding why or how it has come about.
Nobody realizing just how deep it all goes.
Feeling alone by withdrawing herself.
Feeling alone even though she's not.
Not opening up because it's easier to switch off.
Not thinking about it but just trying to eat.
Doing something that feels so wrong.
Doing something that's good but so bad.
The shame of why this has happened.
The shame of feeling the need to punish herself.

So much goes on underneath the surface.
And nothing else seems to matter.
The world could stop turning.
This wouldn't be a problem and she wouldn't care.

Will anybody ever understand her pain?
Will anybody ever realize why?
Will she ever realize why?
Will she always go on suffering?
It's ruling her life.
She's living through it.
It's always there, 24/7.
Much to her disgust and beyond her control.
She just wants it to end.
This battle, which one will surrender?