Being calm on a Saturday morning

After my extremely bad Thursday, things have calmed down..
I was close to exploding by Thursday afternoon.. and just couldn't get away from it all.
So I forced myself to switch it all off and focus on other things.. anything.. even if was just cooking programs on the telly and my book.. Just resting my brain, which was necessary.

Yesterday, Friday, I felt liberated. I was human again.. What a glorious feeling it was. I even had 2 short phone conversations (which is something I have avoiding been for the past weeks, because it would take up too much energy). (Thanks for the brief chats Emma and Trish! it made my day).

It was like I needed to go through what I went through on Thursday to feel normal again.. I had to get it all out, in order to be able to think about other things, not to worry and think about food or about being full. Instead just caring about other little daily things like joining in on a conversation while mam cooks the dinner (On bad days, I wouldn't care what the conversation would be about, I would just ignore it all and let it all happen around me) or laughing at Eileen with her comments that she would only come up with.. (What a nutter she is.. haha)

I didn't want to look on or think about my blog.. It depressed me, just the thought of what I had posted the last times.. I didn't want to go near it, so I didn't.

I was feeling energized yesterday, and tired again today. I don't want to focus on anything that has to do with Anna today, not unless they are positive thoughts I'm having. I can't deal with anything else at the moment. I just want to switch off again, withdraw myself even, and I don't want to worry. Because I do feel so full and sickly right now, that I have to switch off, or else I won't want to eat.
I just want to rest today, and let the world just be..
I don't want stress and I don't want pressure..

It's 10.44 in the morning, and I'm thinking of my bed already.. I've been letting myself sleep more the last few nights. I've been getting between 7 and 8 hours.. I have to keep it up.. Maybe an afternoon nap is in order.. My bed is so comfy... :)