Fresh Air, Rainy Days & Sunshine

When the days starts, there will either be a bright sun in the sky or it will be overcast and cloudy. It will either rain or it won't. Maybe some showers throughout the day. Maybe it's torrential or just a little bit of drizzle.

It can determine a person's day. Bad weather can cause for a bad mood.. Good weather can cause for a good mood. People will give out and talk about. People will have meaningless conversations about it. People will analyze it. This annoys me beyond belief..
In my case, I don't want the sun to shine. To me, it's depressing when it does. Because that's when I wish I wasn't in my current position. The sunshine does me more bad than good. I have no means of enjoying it, when it does shine due to the fact that I have to rest and do as little as possible. Whenever the sun shines, that's when people want to start living. People get energized from the sun. This is probably the case for me as well, and also more than likely the reason why I don't want it to shine. Any energy I get, I need to force myself to save it, by not living a life. This gets me down.

So I'm glad when it rains, I'm glad when it pours. All day long. It forces me to stay indoors. I don't have to be confronted with the fact that I'm not doing and living the way I want to.
In a way, the rain even makes me happy, it makes me feel relieved.. It takes off the pressure and I can just be. That is, after all, the only thing I'm doing at the moment, I'm just "being".

Stepping outside the door, isn't as easy and carefree as I would want it to be. The past few weeks, I haven't wanted to go outside. The air is just so "in your face". The slightest bit of wind, just makes me feel so bad. It tires me. It's takes a lot of effort. I wouldn't say that I'm avoiding going out. But it's like, my body tells me, as soon as I step outside the door, that I have to get back indoors as soon as possible. Whenever I'm outside, all I can think about is my bed.. All I want to do is go back to bed. Then when I do get back home, I don't go to bed, but I rest.
Is this what old age is going to be like? Is this how 80-year olds feel? Do they struggle so much as well, just doing normal things that everyone takes for granted? If so, I feel for them so much..

Fresh air, clears the head, refreshes the mind, and vitalizes the soul. I'm usually such a "fan" of the outdoors. I would usually hate being cooped up inside. There is nothing better and more energizing than the great outdoors. I always would dream of living in a country that has that "outdoor lifestyle".. That to me is the best way to live your life.. In a country where the weather isn't an issue, where it goes without saying that people live their lives breathing fresh, clean, warm air.. To me, that's paradise.. Working, living and being outside.
Maybe I was meant to feel this way towards "the outside world" right now, for me to appreciate the great outdoors even more. I never imagined that I would ever hear myself saying that I would rather be cooped up inside.. Just goes to show.. But it's all for a reason. And 1 day I will find out why.
In the meantime.. let it pour!