My Motivation

Having is reason to get better. Having motivation to keep on fighting Anna.

What is my motivation? What do I visualize every time Anna is on my shoulder telling me not to eat, telling me I don't need this food and convincing me that the rumbling in my stomach ISN'T hunger..

At those hard moments, I need to be at my strongest, and that is when, with every bite of food I take, I need to think "WHY?".. and I need to visualize.. to finish the whole plate..

My motivation.. Independence and Travel.. These 2 things I miss the most in my life at the moment. These are the things that Anna has stolen from me, she has made me so ill, that I have lost them both. But I want them back..

I miss going to work everyday, doing my own grocery shopping, going out with mates, living by myself and my life just revolving around me.. I miss a daily routine that I have made my own, that I have chosen and am proud of and also makes me content and gives me confidence. I cannot remember the last time I felt like that.. I miss so many little things that I would always take for granted.

I miss traveling so much I cannot describe... I want to make plans again, I want to dream again and I want to be free.. Just me and my adventures. Before this whole ordeal started, I was planning on going to Mexico for 6 months or a year.. I wanted to leave in November.. Anna stole that from me. But that dream was mine, she had no right to steal it the way she did.. I want it back and it's not going to remain a dream, because I will go traveling again. For me, that is my main motivation, and I can visualize it without any difficulty..

I can see it now, me with my backpack on my back, butterflies in my stomach, tears in my eyes (sad to say goodbye to loved ones but happy that I made it all happen again), ready to take on the world again.. Me, my own adventures, creating my own memories, making my dream come true, living life to the full..

Along with my travels comes my independence and this gives me my confidence (which used to be my middlename).. I CAN and i WILL have the world at my feet, the way I always used to. I can make it happen, the battle for it is on.. I have to win..