Friday morning update: So far, a "woozy" week..

It's Friday morning, and I can't believe how that happened. The week just flew by.
All a little fuzzy and totally unaware of it all.

I spent Tuesday working through Diann's session. Trying to sort things out in my head. It was a lot to take in, but all very positive. Tuesday evening I had a slight "downer" at dinner. Mam suggested I have some soup with carrots. The soup was from the stew she had made. So it was brown and thick. But I was feeling fine, so I thought, let's give it a shot. But no, unfortunately it "knocked me for 6". One mouthful and 2 pieces of carrot and I felt sick.. I really could have vomited. Especially when Mam said: the meat was cooked in it, so it has all the goodness.. I'm nearly gagging now, just thinking about that statement..sorry mam...
Yeah, so I tried that, but no. Too much too soon maybe. Then I was feeling so bad, that I really didn't want to eat anything. But I had to force myself, switch off the sickly feelings just to eat something.. I ended up having smoked salmon on a toasted sandwich. I wasn't eating according to my food-plan, but hey, I was pleased that I actually ate something. If Anna would have had her way, I wouldn't have eaten anything at all.
So that frustrated me and made me sad, not being "able" to put myself through that dinner. I used to love stew..
The whole evening I was trying to get over that and "gear myself up" for acupuncture the next morning. I had to, it was like a big outing. I had to focus, had to prepare myself. I didn't want to be stressed like I was last week. I wanted to be relaxed and benefit as much as possible from this weeks' treatment.

So on Wednesday morning, I rang the taxi, was dropped off at Mr. Acupuncturists practice. On the way down, in the taxi, I chatted to the driver. I was sociable and I actually made an effort to make some small-talk. For weeks and weeks I usually wouldn't have been interested in being polite, other than "hello" and "goodbye". But this was easy going and it was great to just interact with someone.

The treatment itself was pretty "intense". Well, he stuck 4 extra needles in my legs, so now I was having 16 instead of the usual 12 and some of the needles were also larger, which makes them do more work (as well as hurting slightly more). But it was relaxing, I was chilled and enjoyed it. Mr. Acupuncturist was happy with my progress and with my food-plan. We chatted and he really isn't a bad person at all. Again, more small-talk and chit chat..
Afterwards I was so tired. I just wanted to go to bed. I was chilling for the rest of the afternoon. The whole "outing" really drained me. But I focused in such a way that I got the most benefits from it.

And the benefits came.. yesterday.. Actually, I started to feel it on Wednesday night. I wasn't relaxed anymore, like I was during Wednesday afternoon. I wasn't able to sleep.. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to go to bed. I could feel an uneasiness. I had a bad nights' sleep and woke up a "not so nice" person. I can't really describe it. I was having those "out of body" experiences all day. There was so much going on in my head.. I spent most of the day in bed.. crying for no reason. Feeling absolutely awful.
I tried to make sense of it all and wanted to write, but that wasn't happening. I couldn't make any sense. I knew that the more I try the make sense of everything, the more distressed and upset I'll get (I've experienced this before, so I knew this was what I was NOT to do). So I just left my head alone, switched off the sickly feelings, kept on eating, didn't over-analyze and forced myself to just "be". The whole day, I was just doing my best to make it through. I watched some dvd's, some telly, read my book, went for some snoozes and was so grateful when it finally was time for me to go to sleep.. I went to bed at around midnight, and looked forward to sleeping (unlike the night before).

The reason I didn't want to go to bed on Wednesday night was probably because I knew the following day would be a difficult one. I didn't want one day to end for the next one to start.. if that make any sense..
But last night, I didn't mind it ending, because I knew it couldn't possibly be any worse than the day that just ended.
So I had a great night's sleep. Had lots of dreams about all the different modes of transport..there was me on a train, me on a bus, me on a plane, me on a boat.. Great dreams about me going places.

Yesterday, when I tried to write and couldn't.. I was angry with myself. The reason being that my only out-let is this blog. If I'm not able to write, then I'm not able to do anything. The only time in the day, that I feel worthy, calm and "productive" (I know, I'm not really allowed to use that word..oops..haha) is when I'm writing about something. It really doesn't even have to be related to anything in particular, it just makes me feel so good. It's the only thing that really makes my day worthwhile. Most days anyhow.

The acupuncture did it's work. But that's okay. I don't mind, it has to be done and it's all good. I learned a lesson--->Pushing myself to create turmoil in my head, only would have made matters worse, I therefore didn't and just felt the feelings that were obviously meant to be felt, and I listened to my body ALL DAY LONG. I felt more physical and emotional pain than I had done for the past week or 2, I reacted to that by caring for myself with food and bed-rest.. Anna was having her way by making me feel so bad, but Fay was supporting me to get me through the day..