Sweet Spuds, Gillian McGee and Hamster Cheeks

This weeks' food-plan.
It hasn't been easy, but I've been doing fine.

My menu:

-Yogurt + 3 tablespoons of muesli and nuts
-Supplement number 1
-Piece of fruit
-Tofu sausage
-1/2 sweet potato
-Supplement number 2
-Glass of fresh orange juice
-Dinner (noodle or rice with chicken or fish)
-Glass of fresh watermelon juice
-Piece of fruit
-Supplement number 3

That's quite a lot isn't it..? Well, I think so anyway. My plate at dinnertime is always scraped, which is good. I'm still going strong on that front. The extra tablespoon of muesli, I added myself.. It wasn't suggested by Diann.. I just wanted it, so I added it! My choice!
Diann said last week, that if I wanted to try something different or add something that I feel comfortable with, it's okay. Now and then I do think.. "Hummm..what could I do differently?". But I'm scared that I might be pushing myself too far.. Because my daily menu at the moment, is extremely challenging and the fact that I am eating it all, in itself is a big thing. So I don't want to throw myself "off-guard" by doing something else "extreme". I guess, I'm afraid to let my guard down. Once it's down, I'm afraid I won't be able to contain myself. Because I can enjoy food. Some meals are absolutely gorgeous.. Like yesterday I had prawns.. I enjoyed them so much, I didn't say the words out loud, I can't force the words past my lips for some reason.. (this goes for a lot meals by the way, so Mam, now you know, just because I don't say that it's a lovely meal, doesn't mean I'm not thinking it).. but I said them to myself, over and over again.. They were delicious. Mr Acupuncturist also asked me if I'm enjoying my food. And sometimes I am. For instance, it doesn't matter how full and fat I'm feeling, at night I always look forward to my breakfast in the morning.. The strangest thing. Sometimes it's so strong, that I would want to go to bed as early as possible, so that the morning comes sooner..and then it's breakfast time again.. (like when we were kids, on Christmas eve.. going to bed as early as possible so tomorrow will come sooner).

But I haven't dared trying anything different yet. Every week, I'm still being pushed out of my comfort-zone a little bit more, when new foods are added. So as long as these pushes are small but frequent, I'll adjust slowly and hopefully soon, I'll challenge myself with something new.. But only when it's MY choice and nobody else's.

Eating the spud, isn't too bad. It's a sweet potato, which I only tasted for the first time this week. They are nicer than normal spuds.. you can compare them to pumpkin.. and I love pumpkin. So that's a bonus. I bake it, in the oven, with some garlic and sage.. the smell in the house is gorgeous, especially when I'm grilling the sausage at the same time.. Do you see what I just did there.. I described food in a delicious fashion.. Bet you are mouthwatering now..!!??

As I was having the first spud this week, I sat on the coach, looking at it.. and I suddenly had this vision of a mountain of spuds that I'd have to eat the following months..I panicked.. thinking: "O No, How on earth will I ever be able to eat that mountain?". But those are just stupid thoughts.. Because I don't have to eat them all at once..haha. Then a quote I read in a book a while ago, came into my head: "As with any addiction, quiting smoking for instance, take it one day at a time. Don't think about never smoking for years and years to come..Just today, just focus on now". This was just 1/2 a spud. That's all. This one meal, nothing more nothing less. And then the panic went away, and I quite enjoyed it.

I don't know if any of you know the program "You are what you eat". If not, it's about a certain person, who has an unhealthy diet, and Gillian McGee (presenter) tries to convert this person to healthy eating habits. At the beginning of the program she always puts absolutely EVERYTHING they eat ans drink in the space of a week, on a table. It's horrific to see the amount that goes through one person's digestive system. I had visions of her doing that with my weekly menu..and in the middle of the table there was this mountain of spuds.. It sounds so stupid, I know, but I couldn't help it. It was actually quite funny, in a weird kind of way. I could just hear her now.."Niamh, you're eating far too many carbs.." But I need carbs, I know. I need all the food I'm eating.

However I wonder when Diann is going to stop adding extra's. I don't know my exact calorie intake, but I know it should be around 3000 calories. If it isn't, I'm probably working myself up to this, and then I need to keep it there for as long as it takes for my body to be restrengthened.
But I still try to compare my food-plan to that of a "normal" person. Just trying to figure out if I'm now eating like a normal person and it just feels like a lot, or if I actually AM eating MORE than an average female my age..humm... I know, there's really no comparison, because I have to eat more than a "normal" 25 year old, to put on weight. But still.. Anybody want to enlighten me on their weekly menu? Is there actually anybody who knows what they eat all week?
I do it.. I have done for more than a year now.. a food diary.. a weird ritual.. But that's for a later date..

Back to the food..yeah, well the supplements have been going okay, not too bad. Usually I don't mind taking them. I'm still not too sure for how much longer I should be taking them..(whenever they are making me feel disgusting and I'm hating them, I have visions of me, going traveling, with a backpack full of cartons of these supplements..just to keep me going.. no clothes or toiletries..nothing..just energy drinks.. but that's just my imagination). But I know that I'm not ready to give them up just yet. I need them. It will probably be time to cut down on them, when I feel that I can make up the missing 900 calories (that's how much I get from them, each day) by eating. At the moment.. there's no chance of that happening..
Sometimes they make me feel sick.. like yesterday. But that's okay, I can live with that if it's only once in a while.

As for my stomach being bloated.. It has become permanent, so I don't really pay too much attention to that anymore. My belly is always swollen, it's always full of food (that sounds disgusting doesn't it..)..I'm not creating a "beer-belly" but I'm creating a "supplement-belly".. It's just sticking out all the time.. I look like a cartoon character.. If I were to be in Paris now, for example, and a street artist were to draw a picture of me, in a funny cartoon-theme (I'm sure you know what I'm talking about..), I would have this head with MASSIVE hamster cheeks and massive belly with the rest just twigs..would probably be quite a funny picture..huummm..anybody up for a trip to Paris..haha, only joking). Getting slightly sidetracked.. So, not until the rest of me starts to expand and I start storing muscle, tissue and fats, will my stomach blend in with the rest of me.. I'm hoping anyway. It should get back into proportion, but until then, I'll keep on training my neck muscles trying to keep my head and cheeks in the "up-right" position.. The strain is unreal..haha..

I'm signing off for now.. My 1/2 a spud is waiting.. the smell...humm....