I haven't been outside the door all week, only to go to acupuncture. I feel like I've been in hibernation for the past weeks. But I need to.
I have been thinking about walking to the petrol station. A 10 minute walk. I have wanted to. But the weather hasn't been that good. It's been raining nearly everyday this week, which keeps me sane and keeps me indoors, where I need to be, where I need to rest..
But I want to be a rebel and I also feel I need to see how I am while being outside and walking, even though it is only a 10 minute walk. I don't want to walk to burn calories..not at all..I'm passed that stage now I think..I hope anyhow. If I were to go for a walk, It would be to enjoy the fresh air, to stretch my legs and just feel like I'm apart of the world again. It wouldn't be to use up my energy.. I've been trying to save it and it's been hard work..forcing myself to sit and relax, forcing myself to lie down in the afternoons.. It's sounds easy, but it's one of the hardest things.. Forcing myself to do something that I've made myself believe is bad. All of a sudden it's what I'm supposed to be doing and it's the only thing that will get me back to proper health.
I don't want to waste the energy I've been saving, on nothing in particular..you can compare it to saving money for something.. whatever you decide to spend it on has to be worthwhile..you want something for you pennies..be it a possession or memories.. Think wisely.. and don't get carried away.. As the old saying goes "Don't spend it all at once"..
I'm saving my energy to walk down the street, to dance on a night out, to laugh until my stomach and face-muscles ache, to have endless conversations, to run up the stairs, to go on a shopping spree.. just to live again.. That's the name I've given my "energy savings account": "LIFE"..
Some day, within the next week, I'll walk to the garage.. I'll let you know how it goes..
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