Obeying my hunger-moment..Third time

Sunday evening, and my jeans are so tight, from eating too much. But I was still hungry after dinner, so..this was the time I had to have more.. My third time this week to eat when I'm hungry. I finished my dinner and was gutted that it was already gone. How did that happen so quickly, and why isn't there anymore???
Well, without thinking too much, I got a slice of white bread out of the freezer, defrosted it, and am having it now, with some butter.. I could have had a pancake or a scone, but a slice of white bread and butter is something I haven't had in a while. I can be so lovely. I'd never eat white bread regularly, because I wouldn't benefit from it. There isn't any goodness in it, so I therefore didn't really see any point in eating it. It can taste so nice..which is another reason for me not to have it. Diann said that it can sometimes be easier to digest than some brown breads, which can be too heavy. I suppose it's just what you're used to.

I feel all lightheaded and weak right now. Even though I've eaten alot (the slice of bread is nearly gone). Maybe because I've done a lot today.. A lot of "interacting" and talking. I went to the shopping center as well, so maybe that has worn me out too. I can't explain it. It can feel like someone has been pulling at my chest, from the middle of my ribs..from the inside out. I went to lie down for a half an hour when I came in. I really wanted to stay in bed, I didn't want to see anybody anymore or talk or be pleasant. I didn't have the energy. But I had to, because it was time to eat.. I had no choice in the matter. I'll have to lie down again soon. I'm kind of woozy.

O my god. This bread is just heavenly. Especially the crust. It's tastes slightly burnt, but it's not.. So nice.. and the butter just completes it even though there isn't much taste. It's low fat butter, with omega 3. So it's good oils that I'm eating, I think. I remember when I was a kid, everyday I would have 2 slices of white bread with butter for lunch. The same..day in day out. A little bit tasteless you might think, and it actually is, but there's something about it..
I don't feel too bad, and am having some green tea with it, so that compensates for any chemicals and bad things that I'm eating right now..I hope. But the world won't stop spinning, just because I'm enjoying this and because I'm fattening myself up..

When I was walking around the shops earlier on, I went to try on some clothes. I just thought I'd give it a go.. Not the best of ideas. Don't you hate the mirrors in the changing rooms.. why do they always stress the ugliness?? It's so bad. I've been seeing myself getting so fat. But I looked in the mirror and my legs are still twigs. They still look like they could break in two if the wind is coming from the wrong direction.. Looking at myself here at home, in the mirror, I'm an elephant, an ugly one at that. But in the shop, I looked ill and just a disgusting. So what mirror am I supposed to believe? Which one is telling the truth? And is the top half of my body just getting fat? What about the rest of me? My legs would like some fat as well! Thats probably the only part of me that I want to get bigger, because my legs are my most treasured possession. They will get me everywhere. I want legs with character and strength and muscles!!! like I used to have. My calves used to always be so sturdy, that I would never be able to get knee high boots to zip all the way up. Proper footballers or rugby legs. I want them back so much.. I used to hate them, but now they are what I want the most.. It's true how the saying goes.."you don't know what you've got till it's gone"..
Everything I tried on this afternoon looked awful, so I still haven't started buying clothes..I don't know how fast the weight is going to keep on being plastered onto my hips or what I'll be able to where in a month or 2 from now, so it's best I wait another while..

What a load of nonsense about things that should be so irrelevent.. How annoying.. I'm off to bed for a while.. I want this day to end now.. I've done enough for Fay.. She's okay..