Eating on intuition

Food...
As I sat with Diann on Tuesday, food wasn't an issue. The depth of all the realizations I was having over the past week, seemed to overshadow the feelings I was having towards food.
Both issues are constantly ongoing..the food and the "soul-searching". They go hand-in-hand but can be seen separately too. At the end of the session Diann asked if I was feeling okay, with "acting on my hunger". I said I was.

I did it twice last week. The guilt wasn't major. So this week she suggested that, on the days that I eat "intuitively", I can DROP A SUPPLEMENT DRINK!!!! Yeah!! I was so excited..
On the days that I eat according to my food-plan (which has been the same now for 4 or 5 weeks), I have to have the normal 3 drinks. But if I decide, when waking up in the morning, that I'm going to eat whenever I'm hungry and I eat whatever I'm in the mood for, then I only have to have 2.

I have to be careful not to count calories in the things I'm eating, when eating intuitively. I have to let that go, and just eat the amounts my body needs. It will be tricky, because I know that I'll be missing 300 calories from one drink and I know the amount of calories that's in nearly everything I eat. For example.. If I decide to have an apple and cut out the drink, that's not going to work. Because I'll feel that I'm missing out on the calories. I can even feel when I don't have carbs during the day, that I'm weak and queasy, so Diann guaranteed that I'll feel the difference when missing a drink. I'm not supposed to be taking in less calories. I'm still rebuilding my strength, so I still have to have more calories than the recommended daily average.

Having one drink less, just gives me some freedom to explore my appetite again and to trust my hunger. My body will start to feel when my weight gets to where it needs to be and will slowly adjust to new eating patterns. I'll feel what my calorie intake should be. It will take time, but I'll be able to trust myself again.

The past days I haven't been having too much urges to stuff my face. I realized that if I do, it's emotional eating combined with insufficient nutrition.. Emotional eating, because I'll think that having a day of eating everything insight will instantly get Anna out of my system..if that makes sense. I'd be trying to get rid of a problem by eating..which is wrong. But if I stuff my face because I'm hungry and needing more food to keep the recovery ticking along, then I really won't be stuffing my face, but I'll be eating because I need it.. So whenever I get urges to overeat, I just have to ask myself why.. Is it to eat away the problem or to keep going on the right track..??
Sometimes it can be so confusing. Diann said she knows I'm strong enough now, to NOT restrict myself and to NOT cut down on food. That would undoing all the good I've done over the past months.

So today I haven't decided yet If I'm going to eat intuitively. It's like taking the plunge.. I woke up this morning feeling so positive and happy that it was overwhelming again, so maybe letting myself loose in the kitchen today will totally blow my mind.. I'm not too sure..