Are you bored?

"Niamh, aren't you bored?"
This was a question that came from a friend of a friend, only recently. Not that that's relevant, but it made me think.. Why would someone think I'm bored? Is that the impression I give off? Or is it the thoughts of what I do all day long just plain boring? Is that it maybe? And why did that question stick in my mind?

It stuck in mind, but didn't make me feel awful. It shocked me that it didn't bring me down and make me feel worthless. Because at that moment, when she asked me, I wasn't doing anything. But that doesn't mean to say I was bored. Someone once said: I'm a human BEING. Not a human DOING. Therefore people are made to just be people and not to be something by what they're doing and by being active all the time.

If I can be fine whilst doing absolutely nothing, then that's nearly mission accomplished, in my opinion. I could never have imagined that doing nothing each and everyday for weeks and weeks, wouldn't make me feel awful. Because it used to make me feel like there was nothing to live for. And to be honest, sometimes it still does. But old habits are hard to break.

Being bored is a state of being, just like being positive or sad. It's something you can choose to be. Choosing to be bored, would be going backwards. I used to constantly try to avoid being bored, 24 hours a day. There was never allowed to be a half in the day that I felt bored. I felt so awful. But now, it's different. I'm not bored if I don't do anything. I'm just being.

I can't actually say that I do nothing all day long. Because I do enough. Well, enough for the moment anyhow. I try not to stress that not everything I do is either productive, active or creative. It doesn't always have to that way. It makes me happier to be creative than to be active, because I'm working through things and being good to myself and I'm being ruled by the heart and not the head. By being creative, my brain is being active. By being creative, I'm being productive. I'm not doing what I love to do most, day-in day-out, which is sit here and type nonsense, a lot of the time. It's from the heart and it shouldn't matter how good, bad, sad or happy this writing is.. Because it's me and my state of mind and my state of being, at this very moment. It's what I need to do, to either not feel bored and worthless or to learn or to reflect or to register.

Do I care if people think I'm bored? No, I don't, because being able to be at ease and do nothing and not awful about, shows me I've made a lot changes since the start of this and that I'm getting happier being me. I'm able to be in my own company and with my own thoughs, without going insane. That in itself, is a lot. For now anyway... Boredom isn't an issue and I can't let it either..