24 hours no food..

To follow up on the stomach stuff that I was having problems with yesterday afternoon.. I started the tablets on Monday night, but they didn't help. So going for 4 days without getting any proper food-intake, was long enough and I was feeling the strain and looking awful. Yesterday Ma rang the doctor again, to see if there was anything else that could be done.

The doctor said that it was a virus, and to get rid of it as quickly as possible, I was to stop eating for 24 hours and take stronger tablets for it. The only thing I was allowed to have was yogurt and lots of water. Well, when Ma said it, for the first 10 seconds I felt panic, I wanted to cry and run away. I didn't want to consider not eating properly for so long. I had visions of me being inflicted with bad thoughts and I could see this forcing my old habits back on to me and thus setting me back.

But after those first initial thoughts.. I had to talk myself into looking at it from a different angle. Yes, it's dangerous territory, not eating for so long. But only if I chose to look at it as being a huge deal. It didn't have to be. Then I considered waiting one more day and seeing if it might pass by itself. After a few more minutes, I thought, no. I can do this. I can stop eating proper meals, if it's what I need to flush out this virus. It's like what I realized yesterday, I can see it for what it really is..just a virus. And not eating for 24 hours, is not for wanting to loose weight and to gain control. But it's actually to stop the possibility of me losing weight. It's purely so I can start eating healthily again, and enjoy my food again without feeling sick and get back to normal again. If I chose not to follow his advice, I don't know how long it could go on for. As the doctor said.. by eating proper solid food, you're literally feeding the virus.

So after seeing the options..either keep on eating and see where it leads with running the risk of losing weight and feeding the virus..(and according to Ma it could have led me to hospital) or stop eating and risk feeding Anna and bringing up old stuff but getting rid of it. So of course, I choose to get rid of it. And it had to happen sooner rather than later.

With the right approach to the 24 hours of yogurt, I'd be fine. I had to convince myself of this. And I did. The rest of the night, I took it easy. I didn't want to do anything, because I was afraid of burning too many calories and getting hungry. So I went to bed for a few hours and then had 3 tubs of yogurt and gallons of tea and water. The yogurt got a bit much after a while. I know I love to eat it everyday, but that's only 1 tub and it's got lots of stuff through it. But when it's just plain yogurt.. it's not that great.. there's only so much any person could stomach.

I wasn't hungry afterwards and only had 1 bowl movement (to put it in polite terms). So that was a huge difference, when comparing it to the 10 to 15 times, the night before. I was feeling really strange though last night, before I went to bed. I was dizzy and floaty and every sound was like a massive shock to the system. The noises shook my whole body causing all these weird sensations. Maybe I was just exhausted because I'd been up for since 5 that morning and hadn't eaten properly. But I wasn't hungry..so that was kind of weird. Or it could have been the medication I had taken. I haven't even got a clue what it was by the way. I was so glad to go to bed, which made a nice change. I was just so happy to be able to sleep properly again. I didn't need to get up constantly in the middle of the night. My stomach had settled and my bed was nice place to be.

This morning when I got up, I didn't need the toilet and my stomach was still okay. Ma suggested last night to stay away from the yogurt and try some toast instead. Because too much dairy isn't great on the bowls either. So that's what I've done. I've had 2 slices since getting up and am drinking lots of fluid. I'll probably keep this up until tomorrow just to be sure that the virus has gone.

I must say that I'm still feeling weak and tired. But other than that, I'm feeling fine. It hasn't triggered anything. I know that as soon as I can eat again, I won't go restricting myself. Because I'm missing proper tasty food. I miss fruit, I miss muesli and fish. That's probably what I miss the most. It will be nice to be able to think of food again, without feeling sick.

This has been such a challenge.. but I am proud of myself for not letting it mess with my head. Because on top of "not eating for different reasons than I'm used to", I was looking at some photo's yesterday of myself, from a year ago. Usually this would be classed as "dangerous territory" (looking at what I used to look like usually would have made me want to look like that again), but I was fine. I looked in the mirror afterwards, with fuller cheeks and brighter eyes and knew that this is how I'm supposed to look. I'm not supposed to look like the ill girl I see in the photo's. I probably couldn't have picked a worse time to look at the photo's..as if I wasn't being challenged enough. But it's fine. The virus should be gone for sure withing the next 24 hours and then I can start enjoying my food again. I can't wait..