Analyzing Envy

Analyzing an emotion.. Jealousy. A feeling I would have, on a regular basis. I've always classed myself as "the jealous person". I was always wanting either something someone else had or I was wanting to be or look like that other person. The worst feeling in the world.. But I always was convinced that that's just who I was and that I'd have go through life, always feeling some sort of jealous pangs, be they small or big, which would lead to feelings of resentment.

I used to think that jealousy was bad and envy was good. But they are pretty similar. They are both feelings that can play apart in certain relationships with people and might indicate low-selfesteem, fear and anxiety. The difference is, that jealousy is caused by fear of losing something that is yours, usually a person. Envy on the other hand, is caused by not having a certain something or even a certain someone, and trying to get that thing or trying to prevent somebody else from having it.

In a lot of ways it makes so much sense. Looking at the difference between envy and jealousy, I was probably more often envious than jealous. The only time in my life, when jealousy was a big deal for me, was when it came to boys. Now I can suddenly see that jealously doesn't lead to resentment, but envy does. So all these years "a jealous person" isn't what I should have classed myself as being, but "an envious person". Why? Because it was normal for me to always want to do or experience life as others would experience it, or have what they would have.

Being envious can seem to make a person wish and hope that one day they'll either be, feel, do as the other. But why? Always wanting what we can't have.. That could be very closely linked to never being satisfied with any achievement. An issue that is the underlying one and supported and encouraged by a natural predator, that lurks in the mind..always telling that nothing will ever be enough or good or right, just to make happiness seem unimaginable and forever out of reach.

When would I be envious? When either friends or family would have settled lives with boyfriends or live in secure surroundings. I'd want it. Whenever I'd hear of anybody traveling. I'd want it. Whenever I'd hear of anybody going back to college. I'd want it. You name it, I'd want it. This makes me sounds so greedy, when really I'm not. (That's another "topic" I could write about for hours) But anyhow, constantly wanting to be someone else and being confronted with feelings of envy, makes life so tiring! But I didn't care. That was fine as I truly thought that this was my personality. When it's nothing of the kind.

It's like what Diann has said to me, on so many occasions, and something I've had to tap into a few times this week.. Nobody should identify themselves with an emotion. Jealousy and envy are both emotions. They come and go. I can recognize envy whenever it comes up and own it. At that moment, if I choose and if I see, it could even help me to deal with the issue that is causing me to feel this way and to not take out my own stuff on the person that is involved in the situation at hand. When this happens, it's so easy to feel resentment towards that person who has triggered this feeling inside. But why? It's not their fault that you don't or can't have that certain thing in life that you feel you might be missing and that could make your life a little bit fuller? It's your own issues.. your own stuff. More often than not, it's so unfortunate that people don't realize why they are envious and that the "trigger" or the person involved (often someone close to you), ends up being the one you secretly might blame.

Giving in to the envy and feeding it through identification with this emotion, makes it so much harder to see what is really at hand. Instead, standing back and asking yourself: Why am I envious of this person? The answer could be anything ranging from "they have a nice car" to "they have a college degree". It could be any number of things. There's always an answer. Otherwise what's the use in feeling envy, when you don't know why? It's only destructive in certain relationships and doesn't make either you or the other person feel any better. Letting the envy rule your mood, state of mind or sense of self, is giving it energy. Nothing is being solved, until the reason has been found. If the reason is obvious and you don't need to dig, and if there's no solution or no possibility of you getting or having what that other person has, anytime in the near future, then just accept it as it is. Envy can create problems where there aren't any. Problems always have a solution and if they don't, they can't be classed as problems. So the main option is to solve the problem that has been created by this feeling of envy, or just accept the situation and be happy for the other person.

To be continued..