The long weekend - 5

I keep on thinking it and saying it, but everything went so well for me. For instance, keeping up the pace whilst going for a walk on Sunday afternoon, with all the women who were taking a break from serving up the grub, was fine. When they asked me to come along, I didn't even think twice about how far we were going or if I'd be able to keep up or if I might struggle. I just went off with the group, and Shellie and Kate stayed sitting on the couch, and ended up walking up this hill with the most beautiful scenery. We were gone for more than an hour, and I walked and talked to all these strangers, without worrying about anything. I spoke about Mickey to his mother and sister and only came to realize just how important it is to them, that we made an effort to come down. Jayne was telling me that Mickey had been gone for 2 and a half years before he died. They hadn't seen him for so long and the people he was with while he was traveling are like one of last links his family has got to Mickey's life, just before passing away. I never realized he'd been gone from home for so long. But I did know that he'd changed a lot when he was away traveling. Jayne was saying how Oz and the people he traveled with, brought out the best in him. Whereas before leaving Ireland, he wasn't doing too well for himself and he wasn't the person he was or he became while he was traveling and also just before he died. So I was happy for going down to meet his family and by doing so it showed his parents and family just how special he was. Also, if it helped his family in some small way, then it wasn't an effort at all for us to make our way down to see them over the weekend. It was the least Shellie, Kate and I could do.

We said goodbye yesterday morning and everyone was so loving. There were kisses and hugs and his mother was close to tears.. It was overwhelming. On the way back to the airport, I finally spoke to Shellie, very briefly, as to how important this weekend had been to me, not only in terms of saying a proper goodbye to Mickey, but also in terms of my recovery. I never used to word eating-disorder when I was talking to her over the weekend. It felt wrong to because I was feeling so good, eating so much and being so chirpy.. that I knew those words didn't need to pass my lips. Nobody would have known a thing about my past and that's fine. I don't look like I had an eating disorder. I don't act as if I have, I don't feel as if I have.. However I did feel that I needed to open up a little to her..she doesn't know any details about what has been happening, or how for months I had temporarily become a different person or how lifeless I had been throughout the whole ordeal. But she seemed to understand how it was a big step for me. She told me that over the months she could tell the difference in me, through my emails, even though I wouldn't never talk about the hard times I was going through. She said it's hard to imagine how I was or what I've been through because she only knows me to be the person I was in Oz and the person I was this weekend.

Over the whole 2 days, the two of us had hours and hours of chatting. Me and Kate however weren't really very close, we only met through Shellie so I didn't feel the need to go over old-times with her or to let her know anything any of my "stories". If we did, I made sure it was about her and that's not a difficult thing to accomplish when it comes to her, if you get my drift. But Shellie and me, probably covered every detail or every person we met, while we were traveling together. It was so much fun and it made me feel so alive again. I don't know where I got the energy from..but it came from somewhere and at one stage I was even more full of life than the them both, with my chatter and laughter. It was great. The nicest thing was to be around people my own age again AND people who understand exactly why or how things can go wrong, when you force yourself to lead a life that really isn't for you. Being totally on the same wave-length, was just so great and finally not needing to justify why I simply can't settle and need to travel, gave me a boost.

At around lunchtime yesterday, the 3 of us were dropped at the airport in Cork. Jayne dropped us off and Shellie and Kate got a 1o'clock flight and mine was at 2.30. I was feeling so fine, with how everything went. I had no regrets and no guilt. Saying goodbye wasn't too bad. I was just so happy to have seen them in the first place. We spoke about Mickey and his family and finally about how crazy life can be and how certain twists and turns led the 3 of us to meet up again, under such circumstances. The last time we said goodbye, was in Oz. This time we said goodbye, was in Cork. The next time we say goodbye, it could be anywhere. We'll never know how or when or where we'll be meeting again, but this weekend just proved how unpredictable life is, and that fate will always play a role when it comes to friends and paths crossing.. Or putting it more simply..we can never know what might happen in the future that will cause our lives to lead towards each other again..What a crazy world....