Something else

The focus has shifted. The attention is no longer where it used to be and that's good. It shows me that I am able to give to others, things they may need, attention they may require or an opinion that could help. It also shows me that I'm stronger and at a whole different "frequency" than I was, even 2 or 3 weeks ago.

I've been taking myself by surprise. Everything is going so good and I'm feeling so well. Sometimes I can't quite believe it. I've even gotten a few emails over the past week or so from friends, who don't follow my blog, but who I've had close contact with for months, through mail. They've been saying how happy I've been coming across, in my emails. They can notice the difference through the so-called energy that is sent by mail. That would make me wonder how sad or down I sounded for a long time, through what I'd write them in an email. It's strange because you never notice it at that moment in time, when you're writing to someone. You don't know how you come across, through your writings. But they say there's always an energy connected to what is written but we seldom ever realize this. We could think that the words are just words, containing no emotion or no hint of how your life really is going. But they obviously do, which probably only makes perfect sense..

So much reassurance I've been getting, left, right and center. Something I've been aware of but haven't gotten in such large dosis in such a short space of time. Not only from the people around me but also just from myself. From how I can be and feel about things and how happy I am to just be here and do nothing in particular. The way my body and mind can respond to the tiniest little things that usually wouldn't be that significant or cause such emotion, is amazing. They are no longer insignificant. In fact they are anything but that. And I'm so grateful. The gratitude for the tiniest little things, is something I never want to loose. But I might, as things that were once out of my reach or even abnormal to my daily life, soon will become normal again and gratitude might fade away. But who is to say this will happen? Without living for the future or living in the past, there are no grudges or judgement and gratitude could then always be felt as freedom is at the core and life will always be exciting and beautiful because of this.

Life is good, always has been and always will be. The way I'm responding to this drive I'm feeling inside, is showing me all I need to see, feel and know. As each week goes by, I get a little bit more stable and I understand some more. I'm so happy just by the fact that my physical strength is coming back. I go to bed at night and I'm not always exhausted. I walk for a while and I'm not out of breathe or needing to rest. I still feel excitement in my stomach, as the butterflies flutter as I think of all the special people in my life, no matter how near of how far they are from me.

The focus is still there but it's not a necessary as it once was. Thinking ahead without fear and looking back without regret. Each moment will present itself and without stress or anxiety everything is fresh and clear. Anything can be accomplished and anything is possible, right here and now. I can know, in my heart of hearts, that whatever happens in life, I have what it takes to be and do as I wish. So shifting the attention and focusing on other people, places and adventures can be done with ease because I'll never loose what I have. It's always there within my reach. The knowledge to know what to do and when to do it, will always be there. So I don't need to feel stress or feel anxiety. Nothing will be resolved by doing so and I will always know what to do when a certain situation presents itself. In actual fact, everybody knows what to do, but most people can think that by worrying about what could and might happen, will help them in their process of dealing with whatever issue or situation can come up. But it never can. Letting this go makes everything so amazing.

Am I able to finally give to others, the same thing I've given to myself? Or maybe if it's only a fraction of what I've given myself over the past months, then that can make a difference? Putting all I've gone through to good us, will most certainly be done. Be it on a small or large scale. That isn't important. Slowly but surely I'll see as clear as day, what I can do with the "soup of my emotions". I don't need to analyze it (even though that can be habit of mine that's hard to kick) because whatever was intended, will manifest itself. I don't need to stress it or push it or fear it. It will happen, some day, some how.