Little Lisa

The thing that helped so much and made my brief stay in Leeds so great, was the fact that I was able to talk to Lisa, openly about the eating disorder. I didn't want to focus on it too much, or talk about it if she didn't want to. But it was a subject that she wasn't afraid to address. She wanted to know and she made me feel at ease by being so understanding. She has a friend who was struggling with anorexia for years, so she therefore knows a lot of the issues that come with it. That made me feel comfortable, but I knew that's how she would be so maybe that's why I wasn't nervous about seeing her. She's such an amazing girl. She's only 22, but she's so mature and knows so much. I've met so many special people as I've traveled, but Lisa is one of the few that sits high on a perch..with 3 or 4 others. We are so very different, but on the other hand we're so alike. When I started feeling strong enough to travel again and felt so much love for everyone I know, she was the one I needed to share some of it with. Just because we seem to get so much from each other. I knew that being around her would make me feel alive again, which it did. And she said the same about me.. She could see, once we ran towards each other at the bus station and hugged and hugged each other, just how full of life I am again. And that was the thing she always remembered and admired the most about me. When I told her that I was coming to see her weeks ago, she wasn't too sure what to expect but she could tell that I was getting back to myself again.

It's hard to explain why she brings up so much goodness in me. It's almost like we feed of each other. It's like with any friendship.. Having a connection with somebody, from whom you can learn, not only about the other person but also about yourself, is so unique. It's also because being around someone who makes you feel special as a person and also by being in a certain way whilst being in that someones company and making them see that they are special too. The best thing of all, there's no effort involved and it's all natural. Nothing is ever too much but still being touched by the tiniest little thing that is said or by the simplest little gesture that is made. I can't really put into words, exactly what it is. But she's such a special person. A dear dear friend. Just knowing that she's out there and that I will always have her as a close friend, no matter how many miles are between us, is a thing that I cherish. I'm so grateful for having met her in Darwin. I'm so grateful that we worked together and I'm so grateful that I was strong enough to go over and see her and have an amazing time and appreciate it all so much.

Amazing? Yes, it was. We hung out with some of her mates, who were a bunch of guys from every country, except England and we were chatting about on Friday night about my stay and how I'd enjoyed myself. And I said it was amazing.. They said..Amazing?? Wasn't it just fun? Why was it more than fun alone, what made it amazing? Leeds is just a city like any other, right? And hadn't the 3 days just been a few days in the life of a student.. nothing more.. right? Wrong! It was so much more than that. They were amazing because of the goodness I got from being in a city, from being around Lisa, from being around youngsters again, from being strong enough to walk and talk and dance and sing and laugh.. They were amazing because I got to rekindle some of spirit I'd left behind in Australia a year and half ago. And they were amazing because of the relief they gave me. I felt safe just for being me. I felt unique just for being me. I felt energy just for being me. Therefore it didn't matter where I was. And what more could anybody want from life? I couldn't have asked for anything more than that. It means that no matter where I go, I'll always have me therefore I'll be safe, unique and energized. I'll be taking me, myself and I with me wherever I go and I'll have myself in whatever I do. So I'm never alone and I'm always aware of what I can do and what I have to offer.

So our paths briefly crossed and we now find ourselves on our own home-turf again. When I look back now, it feels like a dream. It was all so hectic and pretty intense. Especially considering how I felt on Tuesday night. I'm so glad now that I felt slightly overwhelmed and upset the night before I left. Because it shows me that feeling down for a short while, doesn't mean it's the end of the world and it doesn't mean I have to let it effect my daily life. My emotions don't have to be the boss of me because I can control them by just letting them be and by taking responsibility. That's what I did on Tuesday night. It doesn't mean that I'm not well anymore. It doesn't mean that I'm not wanting to eat. It simply is a warning sign to look out for myself and to see that something is about to happen that usually would have effected my eating or my head or my true self. It's a sign that if I'm not aware, then things could get difficult. I'm always trying to be aware and therefore I can feel what's happening. Looking out for what it is that could end-up causing me some turmoil is a good thing. And Tuesday nights' little up-set was also a good thing.

So as far as Lisa is concerned, one amazing girl! I don't know when we'll be seeing each other again. I haven't a clue. We said that we'd be meeting in New Zealand, in 2 years' time. But we also said when we were in Darwin that we'd be meeting in Amsterdam, last April (which never happened..). So it's hard to say. But she'll always be such a special friend, so close to my heart, no matter how far we are apart. It might sound as if I'm talking about the love of my life here, but she's just a great friend. I'm also convinced that the same feelings are there, when it comes to any friendship you have, but most of the time people don't really see just how special that friend is. It's lost in the mist and fog..but it's only when the sunshine comes in that the joy of having such a close friend finally fills our hearts.