Storing and stashing

A question that has arisen, regarding a minor tear, a minor ache and a minor statement saying that "sitting with a feeling is making it worse and thinking about it only fuels it" The question being: Are you looking for trouble when you're being too aware of what your body is telling you? Are you bringing on the physical pain or anxiety or fear or whatever other emotion, by thinking about it too much? Are you asking your body to tell you that something is wrong, before there's anything to worry about? Or are you asking your body what it is trying to tell you as something is already taking place? Which one happens first; the questioning of the emotion or the answering of this not-yet-to-be-felt-emotion by the physical reaction? If you were to say that you are feeling stressed, which is the answer, before you've even established that there is a certain physical pain that comes along with that mental state of being, are you then looking for a problem when really there isn't one? No, because feeling stressed, or any other feeling for that matter, is something that you recognize. The more you've felt it, the more you know what it feels like. It's when the feeling becomes physical that you become more aware of it.

But are you creating a problem by telling yourself that stress or fear for example, brings on a certain uncomfortable feeling that manifests itself in the body? Are you waiting to feel that feeling, before it's felt or are you truly feeling it only when it comes up? Is this making any sense? Hummm. Not too sure.. Backtracking now: To sit with a physical feeling that is brought on by a mental state of mind and to let yourself feel it and to be aware of it: is that making it worse? Is that making the problem bigger than it really is? The answer to that isn't a straight forward one I reckon as every person is different.

In my case, if I take Tuesday night as an example... I wasn't looking to feel the way I did. It just came over me and if I would have had the choice, I wouldn't have wanted to feel so low, especially just before embarking on such an exciting trip. But non the less, I did. It came over me and the feeling was there, stuck in my heart again, bringing me down. If I'd have ignored, I don't know how I'd have felt the next day. It could have made the trip so much more difficult. I could have decided not to go. I could have been distraught. Or I could have been happy with just storing it away. But ignoring something is choosing to stash it away. It's choosing to not face up to something that is clearly causing a problem. Dealing with it, when it comes up, no matter where I am or how big a failure I feel, I am wanting to solve the problem. It's wanting to not make it worse, but to make it better instead. So looking to cure a certain unsteady feeling, isn't making something into something it's not.

Is it all in my head? In my case, I can honestly say that it's not. Because each and everyday, when I take a few minutes or half an hour to just be and to reflect and to ask myself what it is I really want from my life today; the answer that comes to me the most is that I want my health and physical strength. And these 2 aspects can only be properly achieved if certain feelings that are brought up and caused by going through certain circumstances and situations are dealt with and NOT stored away. By storing and stashing, life gets clouded again. A head can become muddled and foggy. I can safely say that mine doesn't want to feel like that anymore..

Okay, so it's not all in my head. I don't want it to be in my tissues either. Well, maybe in my kleenex or tempo-tissue, but not in my tissues that make my body what it is. That's where I don't want my issues to be. My issues are better to be cried about and out in the open with some fresh air, than to be stored away weighing heavy on my heart - if they were to weigh heavy on the weighing-scales that would probably be a small comfort ;)