Am I alone in the world?

How can a person with so much support feel so alone in the world?
Is there a reason? Is it punishment? Is it a case of needing more attention? Or is it isolation?

I feel like it's just me against the world. I feel so alone and I don't know why. I have my family around me, but I still can't shake this feeling of just being alone.. I don't want to be alone, the world seems such a scary place when you're alone..

I miss my life, I miss my friends, I even miss my job..
I miss my independence, I miss parties, I miss socializing..
I miss my sisters in Holland, my mates in Holland, I miss my room in Holland..

Alot of people don't seem to reaslise that it's not just me with this illness, and needing to get better. Other sufferers still have their "normal" lives.. But me? Of course not, nothing is as easy as that, when it comes to me. Everything has to be complicated. Why couldn't the doctor just say "Niamh, you've got anorexia, go back to holland, go to therapy, continue your normal life and give it time". That would have been so much easier. But, oh no.. Instead.. she said "Niamh, leave your whole life behind in Holland, your job, your friends, your life, move to a country you really don't wanna be, where you have no contacts, no friends, for at least 6 months, you're not allowed to work or exercise, just focus getting through the biggest challenge you will probably ever have to deal in your whole entire life".. Why did my beloved doctor have to say that to me? Why? Punishment.. As if it wasn't bad enough that I'm punishing myself all day by this anorexic behaviour, oh no, I have to be punished just a little bit more.. Push Niamh even further, see how far she can go, before loosing her mind, before going insane, before she says "Now I have totally had enough".. Why why why?

It's so not fair. I want my life back, now.. right here, right now.. Can someone get me on a plane out of this country? Well, is there anybody who will do that for me? HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
And do you know the worst thing about it.. No one understands.. There isn't even anyone who understands how sh*t and hard this illness is and how complex it is..so there certainly isn't going to be anyone who understands what the whole "package" involves.. Throwing my life away, just to get better.. To give you an idea, think of your worst fear ever.. something that you would have nightmares about and then think of being locked away for an uncertain amount of time.. Add these two together and you might be able to start to relate as to how I feel..

I'm sick of trying to be positive and how good it is that i'm doing all this.. because it really doesn't feel all that good right now.

I love everyone of you that has been offering me support that past few weeks, I cannot begin to tell you and I love me Ma so much for always being there for me.. But it's hard to happy when really I'm miserable..