The Dancing Queen

Last night I had a dream.
I was in a nightclub, with some mates from Holland.
If I remember correctly it was a rave.
The music was blaring and everyone was going wild.
But I wasn't.
I was just standing by, looking at everyone else.
Everyone was jumping, giving it their all, totally going mental.
I couldn't. Because in my dream, I was the same person as I am right now.
I'm not able to go wild like I'm used to doing.
I cannot physically party and rave like I'd usually do.
My mates, in my dream, was urging me to get into the swing of it all.
"Lighten up Niamh and go mental!"
But they didn't understand. They didn't realize that my legs weren't able.
They didn't understand just how weak I was.

This dream I think was triggered by Friday night.
I went out with Sandra and Eileen for drinks.
And I was envious of every girl in the place.
The way they didn't seem to have a worry in the world.
(which is ridiculous because everybody has their own worries and issues)
But I would have given anything, to be able to get up and dance, just like them.
I wasn't drunk, because I can't handle more than 2 wines.. my stomach gets too sore.
I just wanted to dance, I wanted to let everything go and become one with the music.
I wanted to dance all my worries away, like I've done many a time in the past.
Dance the stress away and enjoy the music. But I don't even hear music properly either.
Whenever I'm walking along listening to my i-pod, I'm not hearing the music.
I'm hearing it, yes, but I'm not HEARING it.. You get me?
It just drains out the silence of the cars in the background, that's all.
I want to appreciate music and I want to dance like there's no tomorrow.
But I can't. Not yet anyway.
You know what they say.. "You don't know what you've got till it's gone".
I used to go out and party like a madman and dance like crazy and it would be like second nature.
Now I not able, I would give almost anything..

When the day comes that I'll be able, I don't want to be drunk.. I want the full experience.
I want to feel every vibe that the music sends.
I want to feel the natural adrenaline that the music will give me.
I want that to be the reason for an unforgettable night.. Pure Adrenaline supplied by certain healthy fats that I have chosen to put in my body combined with the music, the atmosphere and the fact that I will be on a natural high because I will have become physically strong enough to be able to do it.

When I was working in Austria, my nickname was.. the Dancing Queen..
I will dance again..