Feeling Good makes me feel Bad

Whenever I'm feeling fine, I hate it.
Whenever I'm feeling rested, I hate it.
Whenever my legs aren't sore, I hate it.
Whenever my brain is functioning normal, I hate it.

Whenever I get a compliment, it makes me angry.
Whenever someone is proud of me, I don't see why.
Whenever people want me to feel good, it's makes me feel bad.
Whenever I need to look after myself, I despise myself.

Don't tell me how well I'm doing, just let me be.
Don't be happy when I put on weight, just let me be.
Don't throw positive thoughts at me, just let me be.
Don't mean well by wanting me recovered, just let me be.

I want to feel bad, I want to feel drained.
I want to feel sore, I want to push.
My legs aren't sore, this is not good.
My body feels rested, so I am a piece of s***.

It pushes me in the wrong direction.
It pushes me to make myself feel bad.
It pushes me to want to support Anna.
It pushes me to push even more.

Best interests, are all well and good.
Best interests, I know are from the heart.
At this moment, it gets too much for me to bear.
Because at this moment, I'm not sure whether I'm here or there.