Is progress being made?

There are days when I getting nowhere, there are days when I feel like I'm flying..

Is there any progress being made? Sometimes I think yes, sometimes no. It was one of my questions at my session yesterday. Should I be putting more pressure on myself or should I just let the motions take it's course? Should I push myself more? Can I push myself more? Is there anything more I could be doing?

I'm doing my utmost best, that's how I feel anyway. The fact that everyday I ask myself, who am I listening to today? The fact that I analyze what this food is doing to me and how it's making me feel. The fact that, with Diann, I reflect on how each week has been going. The fact that I'm becoming more and more aware of how serious this position I find myself in, is. The fact that I'm willing to slow down, to rest and stop exercising. The fact that I can take my supplements and I don't need to be forced.

These are only small steps. But, according to Diann, I'm starting to stand up to Anna. I'm not beating her. Not yet anyway. Her voice still overpowers Fays. Thats one thing that I'm aware of. But that will become less and less. I need to be patient. I need this time, I need support and most of all I need strength.

I received a gift last week, from my sweet sweet auntie Brigid. It was a pack of cards, called: The power of letting go. It's based on learning to live in the "here and now". On each card there is a quote or a saying.. "Today I will...". So I have started to draw 1 card each morning and try to get something positive out of the quote stated on this particular one.. (extremely hard on my bad days, but it does help). The one I took from the pack of cards yesterday said: "Today I will.. Receive joyfully". So anything anybody gives to me during the day, I am worthy of this and I deserve it, whether it be a gift, help or a compliment. So, when I left Diann, she said "you're doing well Niamh, you really are". That was what I received joyfully. It was a compliment that I deserved and I was worthy of it and it's true.

Progress is being made, slowly but surely. I don't want to worry about how long this recovery is going to take.. It scares the hell out of me. So I'm living in the here and now and I'm taking one step at a time, one day at a time.
I think the people who I love and who are supporting me, realize this as well, some more than others. But for bit of consideration I'm extremely grateful.. Love you all to bits xxxxx