Just another "Manic" Monday

Monday afternoon.
I went for a lie down.. And it felt so wrong. It felt awful. It was the middle of the afternoon, I knew I needed it, but I didn't want it. I knew everyone was pleased and I wasn't.
Anna and Fay were battling so severely. I could even visualize the scene of the crime .. Fay trying to stand strong.. giving it her all, but Anna being to big with huge muscles wasn't going to be beaten by such a good hearted little creature.. Fay needed supplements to keep on fighting.. she didn't give up and it ended up being a draw..

I needed to switch off the battle though, how entertaining it all was... I needed to let go of the thoughts. More visualizing.. I could just see and feel the supplements, fruit and yogurt that I had eaten today turning into fat, as I lay there reading on the bed.. Disgustingly gross.

Anna really didn't want me to lie down. She wanted me doing something, even if it was something that was keeping my mind busy. Anything to burn calories.. I couldn't bare it for much longer.. An hour is all I could do. I felt lazy, I felt like I didn't need to be taking a lie down in the middle of the day..
All I kept saying to myself was "What am I, 80?" With all this going on in my head, how the hell can I rest? It's stressful and frustrating! Doesn't that just defeat the whole purpose of "taking a rest"..
It isn't relaxing in any way, shape or form. It's frustrating, tiring and really not worthwhile.

How can people who aren't even sick, have a lazy day? How can they stay in bed until 5 in the afternoon and then sit and on the sofa the rest of the night watching telly and go to bed again at 6 hours later? How can a person not feel guilty, worthless and useless after doing this, sick or not sick?
I cannot figure this out. Here I am, people telling me I need to lie in bed, I need rest, rest and more rest. And after 1 hour (even though I got up this morning at 7.30, just like every morning) I'm restless, feel guilty and need to do things and be "productive" straight away.

Why can I not just switch off these feelings and enjoy an hour of bed rest? I reckon most people would give anything for an afternoon in bed. You are now thinking I'm insane.. and you are probably right (well, it's Anna that's insane, Fay would really enjoy a rest, I do have the most comfy bed in the world.. but still, that's besides the point)..

So I beat myself up when I'm in bed during the day and I'm beating myself up because I don't.. It's a loose-loose situation.. How annoying.. (Anna does let me sleep at night by the way, thank god, but not before 12.30pm and rise and shine at 07.30am. You know the way people are either early birds or night owls? I always convinced myself that I am both! that way, sleep is never really needed, well 5 to 6 hours at the most).
Hopefully I will soon adjust or get my "act together", and be a proper "bum" and just sleep and eat all day which would be the quickest way to recovery.. O well..
Never say Never..