Along Came Polly

I watched a movie, last week. It gave me such a thrill, it gave me such a great feeling, I knew exactly what I was aiming for.. It gave me visions of myself, of my future, as i was lying in bed, on a Thursday afternoon, snuggled, feeling like a piece of cr*p, but still getting so much great inspiration for a movie.. "Along Came Polly", with Jennifer Anniston.

I watched it for the first time, last week. I couldn't stop thinking about it and I haven't stopped thinking about it. It wasn't the movie that inspired me, but it was Polly, played by our FRIENDS star..Jennifer. Not that she's a gorgeous looking person or anything.. But the character she plays, is such a free spirit. I want that so much. If you haven't seen the movie, the plot of it is basically that the main character played by Ben Stiller, is a guy who takes no risks, his whole life is planned strategically. Polly is the opposite. She doesn't commit herself to anything, has traveled and she goes with the flow, thriving on everything that isn't seen as "normal". I'm not saying that one is better than the other. Both lifestyles have their pros and cons, just like everything..

So why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Why was I envious? Because I want to be a free spirit, just like her. But MY OWN free spirit.. Being my own person, knowing what I want, and doing what I want for all the right reasons, but for the main reason.. and that's because I want it. Not doing anything just because that's what expected of me. That doesn't work for me and sometimes I think that the one time in my life I did do what was expected of me, and it wasn't all that wise. But that's a learning curve. I've no regrets, never have, and never will. I just know now, that I make my own decisions, my own choices, my own life. If I'm selfish by saying that, then so be it. I'm the only person in the whole world that knows what Niamh Keoghan wants to do with her life, what's best for her and what she treasures in life. So therefore I'm the only person who can decide what road to take.

I want to be free, in everything I do. This isn't a dress rehearsal.. This is real, this is life. This is it. I want to liberated, I want my mind to be set free.. I don't mean just in the way of getting a plane and traveling. Not at all. It's so much more than that. I want experience.. I want to embrace the moment, the here and now.. I don't want to analyze time anymore, I don't want it to rule my life, age is unimportant, years are irrelevant.. I don't want to plan ahead for years to come.. or live in the past.. I want to be set free from anything that was once holding me back.. And you know what.. Today, during acupuncture, as I lay on the table, with 12 needles sticking into me, I started to feel as if I'm being slowly set free.. the barrier is starting to come down..ever so slowly.. and it was a glorious feeling.

As a lay there, I longed to be her.. Free in mind, body and soul..
And once again I have to tell myself (as I do most days), In order to "live", for now I have to just "be".