A cold glass of beer..

A whole month has passed. It might not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it is. I have never gone this long without a drop of alcohol..since I was probably 16...

It always played a certain part in my life. This sounds real sad and pathetic, but that's just the way I always used to be. 7 days without having a drink, that would be a long time, and by that stage I would be craving it..
I sat on having a cup of tea in Hulst (Holland), just before I coming back to Ireland at the end of June. I had a conversation with Mam. It was about the whole "alcohol consuming" business and how it would effect me.

My biggest "problem" (and I know to a lot of people this will sound familiar) was that once I start, I can't stop. That's has always been my down fall.. Wanting more and binging. It can be so disgusting really.. Just pouring it down, as much a possible and the drunker I got the more I wanted. Many of you are able to stop, when you notice you're getting drunk you slow down or have a glass of water. But I was never like this. The amount of times I have gotten into situations that could have been pretty "confronting" is unreal. I could write a book on drunken stories. Sometimes I think I'm lucky to be alive. But this never stopped me. Up until just months ago, this was me. Some people grow out of it. But I didn't. 25 and I still wanting the party hard and do all the stupid things that have been forbidden. Maybe it's because I'm single and I compare myself to my mates who all are nearly all in steady relationships (that's supposedly when people loose the "party-drive). I'm not too sure, but alcohol could be my down-fall at the best of times.

But that has changed. Well, I'm not too sure really, because while we were sitting have tea and coffee, Mam was telling me that she worried about me the most when it came to alcohol. She suggested that I just stop drinking it. At that point, I agreed, this was a good idea. The weeks after that I would probably have 1 or 2 glasses of rose a week, and that would be it. This isn't a lot, compared to the 5 or 6 glasses I would have 2 and 3 nights a week before leaving Ireland. Now it's been 4 weeks since my last glass. I don't even crave it. It's gone.. Which is a nice feeling.

Beer was always my thing. I would enjoy it so much.. Nice and cold, a normal glass size (not the disgusting "buckets" you get here in Ireland). Or the bottles.. Huuummmm. The last time I had a glass was the 30th of April (I only remember the date so well, because it was the "Queens Festival" in Holland and we were drinking our way around Amsterdam). Before that it had been months.. I didn't enjoy it anymore because of the calories. There are less in a glass of rose.. And I wouldn't need as much rose to get drunk..Beer I could drink for Ireland. I wonder what I'm like now.. I'd probably fall down in heap after 5 glasses..
People used to always be amazed by the amounts of beer that I was able for.. Dutch blokes especially (the Dutch can't drink anyhow..haha). When I was working in the Alps for instance, I would drink around 10 glasses of beer, on an average night.. 5 nights a week, and I wouldn't even be tipsy. Just the thoughts of that, is making me feel a little ill right now.. Those were the wild wild days I suppose.

But now, a glass of rose is nice. It's enjoyable, lovely with dinner and just to relax, chilling out, chatting, drinking and being merry. I sound like such an old bore but I think I have slowly adapted my habits and views towards drinking. Having a glass, to enjoy it, and knowing when to stop, knowing my limits.. is far better for my head, my body and for those around me..haha (but while I'm typing this, it seems so restrained, so boring and I'd much rather write: "just drinking until I'm physically not able and going totally off the rails..) Not getting carried away, not abusing my poor liver and not feeling the need to go totally mental just because there's alcohol. I can go totally mental WITHOUT being off my face. It's grand to enjoy it, but why abuse it? Why abuse myself? Why am I even thinking about alcohol like this? Why do I even feel I need to sit here and dedicate so many thoughts and time to writing about alcohol? I think that might just go to show that it did take part in my life and that it did have certain effects..

Saying that, I now think, when I do drink again, it will have been such a long time, that I might end up going off the rails.. It's like food.. if you don't cure the craving on a regular basis, when you do give in, you binge and you can't stop.. It has the same effect.

So I probably should just treat myself to a glass now and then. But at the moment, I don't feel the need and I'm not craving it.. I will be able to just enjoy a glass of rose or a cold glass of beer and control it and not worry about the calories... Adjusting the habits.. just like nearly ever other bad habit I'm trying to adjust at the moment..

The whole situation, dealing with anna, has made me cut down on the boozing, even if it were because of the calories. My weight also forced to me cut down. My body wasn't able for that much. This whole period has taught me, that alcohol isn't the "be all and end all".. Yeah, It's lovely to enjoy it, but there really is no good that can come from binging a regular basis.. Sometimes is great to let off steam, and that is required now and then..But being in control of yourself AND enjoying a beer, that's far more satisfying.

I wonder when my next glass of rose or beer will be.. Not anytime soon, but it will be glorious..