Extra, extra, extra...

It's still Tuesday.. And my first day with a lot of extra extra's..

What has been added onto my food-plan this week? Well, I have to have some dried fruit with my muesli in the morning. That was pretty hard going.. So filling, it was unreal.. I've been full all day because of it. I also have to have a bit of broccoli with dinner or green salad. That's not too bad, salad isn't really that filling. But I have to a DIGESTIVE BISCUIT as well.. I couldn't believe it when Diann said it yesterday. And it's not just one.. no, it's 1 day!! I haven't had a biscuit since the beginning of June. Which really isn't that long to be honest. But still. I don't want to have to eat it.. I really wondered why on earth was Diann making me eat biscuits? I can't get any goodness from them, can I?

But, that's not what it's about. It's about the whole "forbidden foods syndrome". These are foods that I wouldn't let myself eat, because they are unhealthy. At the moment, my list is pretty long.. Just about anything sugary or fattening..
In months to come, if I was to still have certain foods that I don't let myself eat, then it's easier for me to have a relapse. How does this work? Well, if I was having a bad period or a weak moment, and I ate something that, in my mind is fattening and forbidden, then the feelings of guilt will come up. What happens when I feel guilty about eating something, my initial reaction is to cut out something else during the day, to compensate it.. and then that can turn into a binge (caused by feeling starved) which can then lead to hours and hours of starvation.. The whole cycle could start up again.

So Diann will get me to eat all kinds of different things, even ice cream and chocolate. I understand why it has to be done. But it doesn't make me feel any better about having to eat it. When eating it, I have to remind myself why I'm doing it..It's just like a "training". It's all part of it. It's not to make me fat and I'm not going to have be eating them forever..
I have to see that I'm allowed it and it's alright. I can eat a biscuit and hell won't freeze over, the world won't stop turning and I won't be an elephant (even though I do feel like that at the moment, but that's a different issue..)

I'm not too sure, I so full all the time, so this week and the eating will be a challenge. I just need to stay focused and I need to stay on top of it..or else I panic and I feel like I'm drowning.. I'll be chanting to myself to whole week, just to keep up the chewing, swallowing and digesting.. (I'm actually noticing that my teeth are feeling the "crunch" as well..all the chewing and biting and constantly eating.. they are getting a major work-out..they aren't really able for it..). But for now, a supplement awaits.. (and my stomach is just screaming at me to leave it alone.. it needs some rest.. it needs a time-out..not the chocolate bar no, but a real time-out.. but I'm not allowed to give in..). Right, food time, again....