Girls in recovery

After several attempts at trying to read about other people recovery from Anorexia, I was finally able to face it. I was doing some "research" online.. I wanted to know how other girls face the struggles..

Most of the stories I read about, were of younger teenage girls. Some were shocking, others were familiar. The shocking ones were of the girls who have made Anorexia their identity. It was actually scary in a way. These girls don't have become so attached to the illness that they cannot be without it. They wouldn't even see Anorexia as an illness, but more of a lifestyle. I was once like that. I had seen a documentary on tv, about extreme lifestyles and they actually said that being anorexic is a lifestyle, and no longer an illness. I led myself to believe this for months, thinking I could go for the rest of my life, living and eating as an anorexic and never having to recover.. But I now know different. It is an illness. Once it becomes your identity, you cannot break away. Because when it gets taken away, there's nothing left. I also felt like this, when I first started seeing Diann.. If Anna is gone, how can I live? What will I have? There'll be nothing left! I now, also know different.

One girl who was recovering, and putting on weight, was regretting that she never went into hospital. So now, she's in a state that she wants to go back down the Anna road again, to get into hospital, just to prove that she can push herself that far. I wondered if these girls will forever feel the need to go back down that road again. If they do, then they are never fully recovered. It's always there.. For many girls it seems, that to be "stamped" with the name Anorexic, it's a "badge of honor".. That it's a good thing. But it's not. It's nothing to be proud of. It shouldn't be seen as an achievement. It's an illness. it's something that happens to you, not by choice. That's also something Diann said yesterday. I didn't choose this path on purpose. Anorexia "chips" away at you, without knowing, without realizing.. Searching into the past for an answer as to why it has happened, isn't really relevant. It's recovering and what you learn along the way that's what relevant.

Every story is different. Not one person is the same, so the road to recovery won't be the same either. There are women who have only just recovered, by the skin of their teeth. For these girls, the root of the disease hasn't been dealt with. Their way of life hasn't been tackled. They have simply been re-fed, and are now borderline underweight and still continue to have obsessive behavior and habits that are associated with being anorexic. They either haven't had the right person in their life to help and support them to get to the core of the problem, or haven't been willing to push to battle to the end and beat Anna. This is sad, because the break through will never happen. And the longer it goes on for, the more and more it becomes who they are. It's only with the girls who have gotten to the core of the problem, who have adjusted their lifestyle and learned as much as possible, who have truly beaten it. They are stronger for it and they know exactly what's important, they have so much awareness of their body and soul and will never go back down the road Anna once forced them to go down. They will recognize a down fall, know what to do, act on it and keep on living.
I'm going to be one of those. That's going to be me. I'm blessed with having my family to support me and also I'm blessed with Diann..