Running and walking..which comes first?

Everybody knows the saying.. "learn to walk, before you can run".
I've always known the meaning of course, but I'm only now experiencing first hand, how it can be put into practice. Whenever you try to run before you can walk, it only causes frustration, confusion and even anger.

Taking this phrase literally..
I've been trying to see if I can walk at a faster pace. How it stands at the moment..I go through life at a snails pace.. I only wanted to see if I could move at a normal speed.. (I only took only a few steps, from the computer to the sitting room and back again..) And it, unfortunately, doesn't come instantly.. It's a process of rebuilding and retraining. As with everything I seem to have to re-learn to do.. I also have to "train" myself to be able to go through daily life at a normal speed again. But, as I've noticed, walking at a normal speed, puts pressure on me (legs and chest). I can only do it for extremely short distances, but then I'm beat and I need a rest. The other week I tried to run up the stairs. I made it and then I ran down again.. again pressure on my chest and sore fragile wobbly legs..

I've been resting a lot the past weeks.. "resting" as in, sitting down constantly, having a lie-down now and then, not walking hardly anywhere, constantly taking it easy and doing everything at snails-pace. But my legs are still not as they should be. I haven't walked to the garage in weeks. Whenever I rest my legs (having them stretched out in front of me) for longer than 30 minutes or an hour, they start to ache and throb. The same feeling you get when you've gone for a really long walk and you don't feel how sore and tired your legs are until you sit or lie-down. Well, that's the feeling I've been getting for the past 2 weeks or so. I hope it's just my muscles recuperating after all the hours and hours of walking I used to do every week, they are probably only now starting to feel the strain they were under. The doctor wanted to give me some gel for them, but I'd rather just feel a little bit uncomfortable until they are stronger again. That way, I'll feel them healing and know that I'm progressing.. It might sound a little weird, but I don't care..

I can't remember how "fast" I used to be in daily life. I can't remember if I ever felt tired from doing things at a normal pace. Well, I think if I did feel tired because of it, I would remember. But now, I've slowed down so much, I'm scared that I'll never get that "normal pace" back again. Will it just take time? Or will I have re-programmed my brain and now forever be slow at everything? Maybe it's just my energy that's so low and therefore I can't be fast at anything.. I'm not too sure, but I'm "running" ahead of myself again..

Learning to walk before I can run.. This goes for my legs, but also for my meals, and for my worries and thoughts.. I have to stop getting a head of myself.. I'm allowing myself to give me small nudges instead of big pushes. I'm not going to bully myself.. It's the same old story over and over again.. But hey, it's just a reminder to myself.. Because everybody knows, old habits are hard to break..