Sitting on the cold stone wall

Last Sunday Mam and me went for a drive out to Avoca. It's a place out in the "country" (only 20 minutes in the car), kind of scenic and calm..

We went down to sit by the river. As we were walking down, I spotted 2 men. They were getting ready to go kayaking. They had their kayaks and their gear. It was a lovely day, so they were going to have a pretty cool go along the river.

We went down, and I sat on the wall. I don't know for how long. Just sitting and gazing at the water gushing by and still thinking of these 2 guys who were going kayaking. It was so strange. I couldn't get them out of my head. As I sat, I wanted sooo much to be able to that as well.. I'm not even a great "water-person" but still.. I wanted it so badly. I was out in the fresh air and all I could think about was the "great outdoors". I wished to be able to do extreme sports.. like rafting, kayaking, rock climbing, absailing, bungee jumping.. so many different sports, all out in the open, in the fresh air, all made possible by nature.. How great is that? Not only being physically active but at the same time enjoying the fresh air and getting energy and adrenaline by doing so.. Getting the heart racing with excitement and feeling fulfilled and full of life. How great is that..?
That's all is wished for, while I was sitting there on the stone (hard and cold) wall..daydreaming..

When I was with Diann on Monday evening, I was telling her about it. I didn't even realize that these 2 guys had triggered so much.. (and I didn't really even want to go out to Avoca, if I hadn't have gone, I would have missed that image of the guys kayaking and I would have missed the "lesson" it gave me..everything happens for a reason..). I just hope so badly that I won't take these things for granted, once I'm able to do all the things I want, when I'm strong enough. Because it doesn't go without saying that a person is able to do whatever they want. The fact a person CAN do what it is they want, is something to be treasured..It's so special. I hope that I will never forget what it feels like to have lost something so precious and always appreciate what I'm able to do. It's only when you've come close to losing something, you really appreciate it. I will never ever take anything for granted.

I sat there with Diann on Monday, and I cried when I was telling her all this. I don't know why. They weren't tears of sadness, or of anger or frustration.. Not of happiness either.. or maybe in a way they were. Maybe because I know I will get better and hopefully soon I will go rock climbing and absailing and do some extreme sports I now only dream of doing. Maybe because I know I will be living again and I will have gotten what I wished for.. When that precious day comes, I'll think back to the day that I sat on the cold stone wall in Avoca, the day I wanted it all so badly. That's probably why it had such an effect on me.. The realization of what I have to do and the hard work I'm putting in. It will all be worth and I will be happier because of it.. The realization that I am getting better, slowly but surely, and I will have it all.. By "all" I mean my health, my life and on support system of family and friends on who I can always depend..