A Blue-Tube. Part 2

Still sitting with Diann.. Still talking rationally about food. I wasn't too flustered or chaotic or ranting and raving like I can do whenever I've a lot on my wee chest.. But yesterday I felt calm. I don't know what impression I gave.. But I was making sense. Yes, that's what I'm trying to say, I could make sense of everything going on in my head..

So the first half of the week, I was hungry. Friday, Saturday and Sunday I was starting to feel full again, slowly but surely the hunger feeling was disappearing again. My metabolism might have taken a few days off, whereas at the beginning of the week it was working at high-speed..
Still on the subject of food.. By Sunday I felt like a bag of sugar. I felt so disgusting. When I woke up on Sunday morning, I felt hungover.. I hadn't had a drop of alcohol by the way, but still I felt like I'd been boozing. I had my breakfast later than usual. So I was struggling to keep up with everything I had to eat. So by 3 o'clock I decided to have a bowl of muesli. Just for "good measure".. I thought I wanted it, and thought that it would make me feel less full..so I was restricting myself. Once I was finished, I felt worse than I did before I had it. Absolutely disgusting.. It was so sweet and it make me feel sick. I felt weak and I wanted to go back to bed. It's hard to explain exactly how I felt, but it was just YUCK. Then I suddenly realized..O no, I might have totally cured myself from the muesli "fetish" I had.. Muesli was my "thing".. I used to be able to have it for dinner.. and I'd be feeling great. One bowl a day.. Now I can't even have it for lunch. It's not enough. I knew if I would have had a sausage and potatoe instead of the muesli, I would have felt better, I wouldn't have felt sick or weak. I wouldn't have felt like a bag of sugar either..
It was hard to realize that I can no longer live on as little as I used to.. I need carbohydrates and protein. Muesli, is now just something for the morning, I think. Which is normal I suppose.. I was slightly disappointed because I'll probably never enjoy it as much as I used to. Maybe it's just a phase.. But for now, the muesli just belongs in my yogurt..

I carried on feeling awful for the rest of the day and yesterday morning, I still felt like a bag of sugar. Even my supplement drinks were too sweet. Just the thoughts of them would make me want to be sick.. I was thinking about it, during the drive down to Diann and then she said exactly what I though it was. She said that it was probably my taste-buds coming back to life.. My taste for sweet things, got less. So things that would taste really sweet, to me would have tasted normally sweet. Now that they are coming back to life and my taste-buds are working as they used to, everything is really sweet and sugary, because I never really liked sweet things.. Now I feel like I'm on "sugar-overload". It's really not nice. I have this disgusting layer on my tongue, since Saturday..A layer of sugar.. It's like somebody who doesn't like salt..being forced to have so much of it, that it leaves layer on your tongue..O, the thoughts is making me feel ill..
So I've been thinking about wanting to cut down on the drinks.. I would love nothing more than for Diann to say that I don't have to have 3 but I have to have 2.. That's not going to happen just yet. Not until I'm compensating a drink with more food in order to keep up my calorie intake. How annoying..

Other than feeling like a bag of sugar for most of the weekend, I've now even started enjoying my food more. Usually it would only be my breakfast that I would look forward to and enjoy..whether it would make me feel guilty or not.. That's never an issue. But now, just about everything I eat I'm enjoying. Dinners are still tricky, but everything else is so nice. Munching on an apple, drinking fresh juice, dipping a digestive biscuit in my tea, grilling a sweet potato (I could eat this constantly), soy milk (the feeling I get when once I swallow it..it's gorgeous, it makes me feel like I'm doing myself so much good, it's a buzz, not of excitement..but different, can't really explain it)..
Yesterday I said it for the first time outloud. The fact that I've been enjoying food. I can only bring myself to say it to Diann. Nobody else. If anybody thinks they can now comment on my food, just because I'm writing about how much I can enjoy it, then they've got it wrong.. BIG TIME. It's a subject that I can't talk to anybody about. I hate anybody commenting on what I'm eating. Keep them to yourselves..thank you very much.. As long as it's NOT on my plate, or I'm NOT expected to eat it..
But I love looking at cooking programs or reading cooking books or looking at menu's in the pubs. I like cooking as well and preparing the food. It's not like I've got a phobia for it.. I know for a fact some people seem to think that I have and that they can't even mention the word "food" around me.. But this isn't the case. Just don't expect me to eat it, or to say I'm enjoying it or to appreciate when somebody says "What's that you're eating? That looks nice".. O..that makes my blood boil..

This was the whole food thing this week.. But it doesn't stop there.. There's more to come.. To be continued...