Obeying my hunger-moment..First time

The day has arrived. For the first time in so so long, as well as eating everything on my current food-plan, I'm eating something extra because I'm hungry. Something that I've chosen. Something that wasn't planned. I feel as though I've been let loose. Unleashed..by Anna..or by myself..whoever it is..
It feels awful. It's a total different reason for eating. So far, since I started to rebuild my food-intake, it's been all planned, at set times and set meals, in order for me to get as much nutrients I need.

But this is totally different. I've had my usual breakfast, yogurt with muesli, dried fruit and nuts, orange juice, a slice of toast and my supplement drink. Now, it's 12.30 in the afternoon and I'm feeling hungry again..or maybe I'm just peckish and I'm forcing myself to eat.. I'm not too sure..
I decided to have a slice of bread with some cheese, under the grill. I was dreaming about it the past few nights. Diann wants to me act on my hunger 3 times. This is the first time, but I don't know if I'm doing it right. I don't know if I'm supposed to have this instead of my potatoe maybe? or instead of my fruit? I don't know.. And it's awful.. I feel out of control, out of my comfort-zone and it's just so wrong. I was checking the calories on the packet of cheese..but we have lots of different types of cheese and not every packet has a nutrients lable.. So what am I supposed to do? I can't compare.. this is awful and I really shouldn't be doing this. It feels too much.

Third time lucky. The first slice of bread, I burnt..oops.. The second I couldn't bring myself to eat because I discovered a "light cheese"..so now, the third one. This one is going to be a toasted sandwich with half a slice of cheese..
This is harder than I imagined.. But then I suppose it's only as hard as I make it.. I feel fat and full instantly..and I still have to eat it. So maybe I shouldn't. Maybe I should wait for another hunger-moment, and act on it a different time.. Maybe this is wrong time for me to be doing this... But the longer I put it off, the more I'll have to eat at the weekend..trying to get in 3 moments of hunger, and that will totally blow my mind.

Yesterday I was talking to Mr. Acupuncturist about it. I was telling him that I'm allowed to have anything I want, that's extra to my food-plan.. He told me, that the herbs I'm taking for the acupuncture are also helping my taste-buds to switch on again, which also explains why the supplement drinks are tasting so sweet. He told me that I should try to be aware of the taste-buds and figure out what it is I'm longing to eat. The flavours I'm craving are the foods I eat..obviously. My taste-buds will be "stimulated" and "trained" or even "challenged" by savoring the different tastes..or something along those lines.. He was talking about the food so passionately. I told him I dreamt about a toasted cheese sandwich and he started telling me how he loves his.. The way he was talking about it..my god you swear he would have made love to it..a cheese sandwich.. His eyes were going mental. It was like he was trying to get through to me, just how precious and how glorious food can be and how much I should appreciate different tastes. I know for a fact that's what he was trying to do. And fair enough, he really got me all geared-up for this sandwich..

So that's what I'm having now. But it's only 1 slice of brown bread with half a "light" easy single with Italian spices dipped in sweet chili sauce. I really wanted white bread, but that was taking it a step too far.. And sweet chili sauce is a lot better than mayonnaise.. Not that I like mayonnaise. I hate it to be honest. It's something that should be forbidden.. But who am I to talk about foods being forbidden, because, let's face it, if I had my way, I'd have all food forbidden..

It's just as well, I'm writing through it, and analyzing it, while I take every bite, or else it would be in the bin, after burning it "accidentally"..
Right, it's gone. I've eaten it.. But now the "fun" starts. Do I have to restrict myself? Do I have to still have my potatoe and tofu sausage? Because now I'm full and I don't want it.. problems, problems, problems..
It's 1 o'clock. I'm going to see how my hunger goes and how I get through the day.. I will have the tofu sausage.. but not too sure about the potatoe..
I can hear Diann asking me now: "Niamh, what would Fay say?".. of course she would tell me to have them both.. But it's easy to answer the question but it's a hell of a lot harder to do it..

Right, that's enough of the toasted cheese sandwich for now..