A rollercoaster or a smoke..?

Wednesday afternoon it was acupuncture time again. I wasn't having a bad day, thankfully, because some of the things he said during our chat before the treatment, could have had a bad effect.. He said things like: "You're starting to look healthy Niamh".. "You're starting to glow".. "You're feeling more positive".. "You're eating an impressive amount".. I tried not to focus on them, because they would have otherwise ruined my day. His words did float around my head throughout the rest of the day but they didn't really upset me. (By the way, I hate the word "healthy"..I don't quite know what to make of it yet. I don't know if it's good or bad. But I know that it's what I need to be, but I don't know how I'll feel once I get it and I don't know if I'm able to maintain it. Getting a little side-tracked..)

Back to Ralph. I haven't been digesting my food, so he decided to increase the amount of needles. So the treatment would have more effect and would be more intense. This scared me a little to be honest.. If the past weeks were anything to go by, an increase in needles wouldn't go unnoticed. I don't know how many needles he stuck into my stomach and legs. All I know is that they sent me on another little adventure.

He left the room and almost immediately I could feel the effect. I thought..Oh right, here I go, my trip has started and I'm off again. I closed my eyes and let myself drift. Within a few minutes I was floating, like a few weeks ago. I felt numb and tingling. I was buzzing. My legs felt hot then cold. Then it felt as though I was on a roller-coaster, you know, when it makes a loop, the lightheaded dizziness you feel in your head. That's what I felt. I was spinning around like mad and I felt all off-balance. I then had to stop the feeling, I didn't give in to it, or else I think I might have vomited. Whenever I opened my eyes and I could actually SEE my pulse. I was staring at the ceiling and I could see the rate at which my heart was beating. It was the weirdest thing ever. Every so often my head would feel like it was moving around in circles and then being pulled in back into the pillow. Then there was a shot of energy or a buzz of some sort, running through me..it ran from my fingertips to the tips of my toes and then to my nose..

The whole hour I didn't move a muscle. I was numb, so I couldn't but I didn't want to either because it would probably disturb the "flow"..I started to get restless after a while. It probably released too much energy.

Afterwards I was still feeling pretty floaty, because I was taking it easy and pacing myself. If I had started to be busy with things once I got home, I wouldn't have felt the "after-effects". I decided to go to bed at around 4 o'clock. I was reading for a while, and I then started to feel lightheaded. Not sleepy but just dizzy. So I just gave in to this feeling and let it take me where ever it wanted. I think I might have been lying there for an hour or 2. I didn't move a muscle, and I was floating, my body was so heavy and my legs were like led. I felt like my head had been detached from the rest of my body. Or I was just so switched on to all the tingling, numbness, heaviness and floating which made my head feel like a untroubled place to be. While this was happening, lots of thoughts were coming and going, but they were fine. They weren't bad or good, they were just thoughts. It wasn't too much and I could deal with them. I was so happy that I was able to give in to this feeling. If I would have been having a bad day or a day fueled by Anna, then I wouldn't have enjoyed the after effects for so long. I would have been restless and agitated. But I was feeling glorious. I continued to lie there. Then I started to feel like I had just run a marathon. Physically exhausted. But it was a different tiredness to what I would usually feel. I'm tired a lot, but then it's a "drained" tiredness. The exhaustion I felt yesterday, I've only felt when I was working on a farm in Oz and I was tying trees all day long. Everyday after work, I'd be back in the hostel, in bed, unable to move a muscle for hours and I'd be so tired that even sounds would physically hurt. This is what I felt like yesterday evening.

But it had to end, because I had to have dinner.. At around 7 I went downstairs, had something to eat and went back to bed again. I was really chilled out and it still all felt a little bit surreal. It was almost as if I wasn't totally here..I was giving in to every feeling that came along and I wanted to get the most out of it because I don't know when I'll LET myself feel it again. So I figured, this is best way to get the most out of my treatment. When I was back in bed, I just read for a couple of hours and then watched a dvd. I was so happy that when it was time to go to sleep at around 12, I was able to.. I was allowed to have a good night sleep and I wasn't restless even though so much energy had been released during the day..

What a crazy experience. I don't know if everyone reacts the same way to acupuncture. I'd say it has a different effect on everybody. The effect it has on me, I don't know if it's all just my mind playing tricks on me or if it's because I'm letting myself be aware of the effect it has on me and I'm giving in to the feelings.. I'm not too sure. But whatever reason there may be for me benefiting so much from the acupuncture treatment, it doesn't really matter because it's great and a lot better than a smoke..if you get my meaning..!!