The Christmas build-up 1

It's Christmas Eve.. It came around so quickly. I've been trying to sort some last bits and pieces out, trying to let Monday's session settle and gear myself up for the next couple of days.

Yesterday I went to acupuncture. It was great. The last time I felt it so intensely, was weeks and weeks ago. Ralph's arm is till broken so Breda is treating me and she gave me a "Christmas Special" as she called it. This involved 2 needles in my head.. I never thought I'd be okay with needles being stuck into my scalp, but I felt fine. She used more needles than usual and each one was hitting what felt like a nerve or something. Everything was buzzing as if my body was on "high-alert". Breda said it was the Chi getting stronger which means my energy was high so my body was reacting to each pressure point that was punctured. All a good sign, I reckon. I could feel them working immediately. Especially the one in my head.

Afterwards I was slightly high, too relaxed and slightly off-balance. I think I had this silly grin on my face too, for no apparent reason. I then spent the whole afternoon in bed and I could feel the acupuncture still working. It was the energy I was feeling and the buzzing and tingling around me body at the same time as feeling so relaxed that moving even the smallest muscle would have been an effort and as shame.. An effort because everything was felt so heavy and a shame because it would have disturbed the sensations I was still feeling.

Last night I had lots to do. Well, it felt like lots. I was sorting out some last minute things I needed to do for Christmas and trying to pace myself. But that was so hard. I kind of went on a frantic little run-around for a few hours. After 10, the gang arrived from Holland. Emma and Orla with the babies and the men.. Their cute little families. Everyone will be staying until Sunday.

It's going to be a busy few days, but nice all the same. I've been saving my energy and mentally preparing myself. I've noticed that it makes such a difference dealing with lots of people and being in my "comfort-zone" at the same time. It makes it so much easier. I kept on thinking back to how I dealt with people, 3 weeks ago when I was in Holland, and how I felt. But the next few days will be nothing compared to that weekend. I know that feeling won't come up, because I'm home. Dealing with anything will be a breeze because I'm here. Thinking like that automatically makes it easier for me. It gives me reassurance. I don't have to use up all my precious energy by worrying about things that I would have had to worry about, had I been away from home.. if that makes any sense at all.. Yeah, it makes sense. I don't have to travel, I don't have to eat different food, I don't have to be or do anything I don't want and I don't have to leave the house if I'm not able.

I'm here, in Arklow, surrounded by the most important people in my world. I've got my bed, I've got my food and that's all I need. So I should be feeling fine with having to only deal with noise and people, shouldn't I? I think I am. I'm not too sure.. When I was talking to Diann about Christmas I was saying the only thing I was worried most about was that I won't have the energy to be full of life. Not that I have to be, but I want to be, regardless of how tired I'm feeling. I was worried that this was going to frustrate me. I was worried about the guilt because I thought I'd be able to let myself enjoy the joy that comes along with this festive time of year.

A short time-out..