Rejection 2

So once you don't turn on yourself anymore, what happens next? What happens when you feel strong and stable enough to open up to all opportunities without having any fear? What happens when you're not rejecting yourself anymore and you're not neglecting your what you desire? That's the time and place where the world becomes the place of unlimited potential. It's the place to make it all happen and to cease the moment. It could lead to that someone special becoming your world with whom you create moments and memories to cherish forever. What happens if that special someone were to walk away and to reject you? Would the world stop turning? Would you crumble up in a heap and want life to end? Would it only make you more weary in the future to never open-up again to how you're really feeling? Or would you feel sad and just let the emotions run their course? Would you start to feel fine again and be glad that you showed how strong spirited you were by saying how you felt? Would you have no regrets for saying how you felt? Would you see it as "nothing ventured nothing gained"?

To open-up and to be rejected, would that make you feel ashamed? Would it mean you're a failure? Would it indicate you haven't achieved and therefore make you feel even more worthless than you already did? But being loved by someone isn't an achievement. It's not a goal. Goals are driven by the need to succeed and eventually get to that place where you think everything will happen for you. "Not being rejected" isn't something you aim for, so it shouldn't make you feel shame or like you've failed or haven't achieved. It shouldn't throw you off course in life. It shouldn't make you feel less of a person. If anything, it should make you feel more of a person and make you feel stronger.

You thought for so long that by not telling that special someone any of your real feelings, it would protect you from pain. There'd be no rejection to feel or no emotions you'd have to deal with. It was therefore safe. But by protecting yourself you've only being hurting yourself. Because after so much time has passed you cannot let go of the "what ifs" and the "maybe this or that would have happened"? You sit and think and you are pretty sure that you let something amazing slip through your fingers all because you rejected yourself, your needs, your desires and convinced yourself for years that you'd never be loved by someone so beautiful and convinced to never reach for the stars because they are untouchable. But at that time that's what you needed to do. Because you felt worthless and thought that that special person would never see something special in you. But was it seen, that special something inside of you?

That's the question, that you may not ever know the answer to. Once you are stable and see that you, just like everyone else, deserves happiness and deserves to be loved and deserves to feel special and you happen to have another shot and you're rejected then the emotions will take their course but you soon won't be hurting anymore by feeling like opportunities and something special has been missed out on. Because nothing would have been missed. There'll be nothing lost because you'll still have you. You won't reject yourself as it will just be someone else seeing that it isn't "a match made in heaven" or there just wasn't the right "click". You are still a whole person. They have taken nothing, only given you more strength. You will see that you still deserve to be loved by someone you class as that special someone.

And anyway, who determines which person is more special than the next? Aren't all people special in their own way? It's just the "click" or the "match" or the compatibility of two people or the feelings that a person can bring up that determine if that person is your special someone. Look at it from the other way: If those feelings aren't there on your part, then does that make them less of a person? No. It just means you can adore them, but not in the same way as they adore you. But do you tell them they aren't deserving of you? Do you tell them they are worthless and silly for even considering the possibility of you answering to their feelings in the way they wanted you to? No, you don't. Because you don't feel above that person. Everyone is equal in your eyes, so why would you tell yourself that you are below everybody else?

In the long run, closing yourself off caused you more pain and will continue to do so until you see what it is you have to give and realize that if you are fearless in every other aspect of your life so you can also be fearless when it comes to rejection. You told Diann that you can do anything. So why can't you do that? You are willing and able to take risks everyday if you could. Being fearless of life and rejection is a part of life. There's nothing to be scared of. Nobody can harm your shiny diamond and you are always safe. As long as you don't reject yourself, nothing is ever going to happen to break you down.