Protecting and projecting 2

If someone is sensitive, by nature, then it pays to know when and where the boundaries lie. Be they between you and the people you love or you and strangers.. Just you and the word, in general. When we're close to others then we want to give them something of ourselves, be it compassion, understanding, time, attention, love and so much more. We can want to give them something of ours, to make them feel better and sometimes, when we don't know who we really are, we forget about ourselves. We can forget the influence it can have on ourselves or what it could do to our own way of thinking or our own feelings or our behaviour.

When it comes to Ma for instance, I want to help her when she's sad. I want to reach out and tell her to lean on me. But I don't know if I can right now. I'm not too sure if I'm strong enough (and I'm not talking about the muscles in my shoulders or the width of them..). We were talking about it yesterday, and even before Ma said it I knew, that she doesn't expect me to do or be any of the things I want and feel I need to be for her. Ma is so strong and can deal with just about anything. I therefore know that I don't need to make myself feel bad for not being able to be there for her. It's pure caution really, as I don't know if it will bring me down or how it will make me feel. But reading and learning about boundaries made me NOT put myself in that position of giving too much when I'm not sure if I can. So I'm already aware that a part of recovering from an eating disorder, is to know what and when I can give some of myself to others. The reaction I have in my body when I'm around people who are close to me and who aren't feeling too happy or dealing with issues, tells me that I'm not only realizing that such a thing as boundaries exists but also know how they work and what it feels like when my boundaries or my bubble isn't stable and is being subconsciously "invaded" by the people I love.

So the bubble I can create or the work I can do as I know and realize my boundaries, is something will help me change my reaction, seeing as though a character trait is something that I can't change. Over-sensitivity is there and the boundaries are starting to form too. So I can feel safe, when I'm around people who don't make me feel safe. I won't feel the need to take on anybody elses' problems or invest any of my energy or myself in others, when I'm not able or simply don't want to. This in turn WON'T leave me feeling drained, frustrated, exposed or used. It will also give more confidence and show that judgement doesn't effect who I am, at the core. So proving myself to others, will never to an issue.

Boundaries can be so complex, but once the theory is there, then the practise can only end up being a challenge. And Sunday was a one of those. But that's on hindsight. I didn't realize it when it was happening, and I still can't say for sure if it was Ma feeling sad that got me down. Either way, it doesn't matter. I basically have to be able to deal with situations and feelings of others. Because life is made up of relationships and they make our world personalized and unique. And everybody has good days and bad days.. Which means that good feelings can be picked up on just as easily as bad feelings. So sensitivity doesn't always have to mean that problems arise. Again, it's how I approach it and what I do and learn from relationships around me and the situations they bring up.

It's so interesting and it continues to amaze me. The way energies can be exchanged between people, without any effort. It's all there, but 9 times out of 10 nobody is aware. "Seeing" the invisible exchange of feelings, attitudes or vibes, as the reason for so many bodily or mental reactions that someone might have whilst being around certain people, is such an eye-opener and also a way to develop and grow. It opens the mind and shows that none of us are perfect and every person who walks this planet has faults. Knowing this fact alone, can make relationships so much easier and every relationship is one to learn from, as long as the boundaries are set. That's when nobody can harm you. Even with your imperfections.. Own the good and not so good in you, be proud of them both as you are a balanced person, and take on the world and continue to evolve in whatever way feels good to you. Because there's no fear, when you have those boundaries.. Protecting your innerself whilst projecting it. Then a comfort-zone can be found in any place on this earth. You have you, and that alone should be enough to always feel safe..