9 months..concluded

As I sat in the waiting room, 9 months later..I'm different. I'm so light-hearted and so switched-on. So calm but so excited. So full of love, not only for others, but also for myself. I felt relieved to be able to sit there and not to feel nervous or anxious. I couldn't believe that it was finally safe to speak the words that it's just about over. I never thought I'd see the day, when I'd be able to walk in to the doctors office and feel the way I felt. But another thing I couldn't imagine was that that was me, 9 months ago. I simply can't imagine what I looked like and how I got through it all. But I did and that's what matters. I was finally happy to see Siobhan. I wasn't worried about what I'd eaten, or drank before coming in, for fear of being weighed. Nothing like that mattered. The only thing that mattered was that she knew just how grateful I am to her, for having done what she did back on the 9th of June.

She was delighted to see me. She showered me with compliments.. She said that she wasn't sure if it was wise to be saying how great I'm looking. This would have been the case months ago. Compliments were once a no-go area. But I told her she could say anything to me now and that I'm fine with it all. It felt so great to be able to say that. Siobhan was saying how it was to see me looking younger than Ma. That was a strange thing to hear. Of course I know that I did look a lot older, when I was ill. But it's still something that's hard to see with my own eyes. The past months, my exterior has become younger and my interior has become older. My body has regained the energy it had lost and my soul has gained an ocean of knowledge that it will never loose. So I'm old whilst being full of life and wise whilst being young. (I don't care if this sounds like I'm being big-headed or whatever because it's true.)

I was telling her briefly about my plans, about Australia and about how I tend to deal with the hard times, once I'm out on my own again. In a way, she was deliberately trying to put a dampener on things, I think just to test me in order to see if I really knew what I was getting myself in for. For instance.. asking me why going back to Oz will be different for me, than it was the last time. I'm not going to get in to that right now, because I've been over it so many times. I answered her anyhow and briefly felt like I was being interviewed. That was a bit disconcerting, I must admit. But I didn't take it to heart. She just wanted some reassurance and I gave it to her, by telling her I have the tools for when times get hard and I'd have to put off doing something I love so dearly (going back to Oz) and that makes my life what it is, by turning my back on this challenge that lies ahead. Being happy somewhere else, other than inside, is my next step. Once the conversation was coming to an end, she said.. "Okay, I'll let you go!!!" (jokingly). Thank you, Siobhan!!!!

All in all, she was delighted for me to be back on my feet again. So all was well and I was feeling great. I thanked her for what she did for me back in June. She gave Ma the biggest compliment by saying that I've the best mother in the world. For Ma to have known what to do, when this journey began, was my blessing. Not all mothers would have acted the Ma did. Which is totally true and it's something I've been going over and over in my head so many times..and needs far more words and attention than just a few lines amongst this little piece of writing. Siobhan said that she'll always be here for me, if I need it in the future, we gave each other a big hug and that was it. Wow. The past 9 months, the nightmare, the misery.. it's all done and dusted for now. What a whirlwind of events. Had I have blinked, I would have missed them. But I didn't blink and therefore didn't miss any of it. No matter how fast things went, it wasn't too fast for me to have skipped a beat.

So for now, no more visits to the doctor. No more tests, no more scans. Just me being healthy and happy and so so wealthy. A wealth that isn't measurable, it just needs to be felt.