Youthful life

Today, it’s Enya’s little birthday. She turned 1 and yesterday I turned 26. I can’t believe what has happened since she was born. And I can’t believe that I’m so happy to be 26. If somebody would have told me years and years ago, that I’d be delighted to see 26, I wouldn’t have believed them. Because even today I sometimes can’t believe that I’m so fine with getting older.

Everybody has been reassuring me, that it’s only a number. Yes, I know, but nobody has to reassure me, because I really don’t mind at all. Why would I? Aren’t I the luckiest person in the world to just be alive, regardless of what age I am? Why would I worry about another year passing by? Shouldn’t I be grateful to be experiencing life? And shouldn’t I be even more grateful that I’m feeling more alive than I was a year ago, when I was trying to be so much younger than I really was? It isn't about having to feel a certain way, but it's just feeling it anyway.. Because this is exactly how I'm feeling.

Now I not trying to feel young, and I not forcing myself to live the lifestyle of a 21 year old. My feeling young, is a natural thing. My not having a settled and steady life at the moment, might be therefore compatable to the lifestyle of a 21 year old.. But it isn’t a problem because it’s all real. That’s what makes it okay..

Feeling young, doesn’t have to only be felt by people who are around the 20 year old mark. It’s a state of mind, that even a 60 or 70 year old can have. It can be just a sense of being alive inside, a sense of being able to handle anything, a sense of knowing yourself so well, a sense of being so aware of what life entails, a sense of knowing in what direction you’re going, or maybe not having a clue in what direction you’re going but knowing that it will all be well and good as the feeling of aliveness comes with that uncertainty. And that’s when the feeling of being young comes into being.

To be happy, to be young, to be free. These are all states of mind in which anybody can place themselves. It’s a state of mind in which I have placed myself. How? I don’t know, it’s just happened. Has it always been there? Maybe. But would I have been able to keep that state of mind alive, taking into account how I would run through life and plan every detail and always want more? No. The life was sucked out of me and that’s when I was felt older than any 60 year old and when the word “free” was a state I only longed for. To find yourself in a body that allows nothing to be done, but to still have so many years ahead and to still have a life to be lived, is also proof that age really does not make one bit of difference in this life.

I love the fact that with every year that passes, more experience is gained, new things are being learned, new people are being met and a persons life becomes richer and richer. And the with such wealth, comes the ability to be able to give more and more to others who are in need of anything. It could be the smallest gesture, like a pat on the back, to a world of calm inspiration. Nothing big, nothing small, but something that just ‘is’. Embracing each year that comes and being happy for the year that has just passed, no matter how hard things can be, is the only state of mind a person can have when wanting to feel young at heart. Youth is a feeling, and can be felt so strongly by those who have felt otherwise. To experience one feeling properly, it’s almost a neccesitiy to have felt the opposite. Without being able to compare, nobody can ever fully embrace that feeling. I once embraced the feeling of not being able to walk from the sofa to the kitchen without holding on. How? Just by living through it and being aware of what was happening. I now embrace the feeling of being able to cycle a bike, without needing to rest and lie down for hours.

People being so young, but not really knowing just how young they are, only realize it, when it’s gone and they can have it no longer. Because it’s lost at such a relatively slow pace, that it’s not being noticed. And when the youth was there, it’s was a normal state of being. However when it’s no longer there, it’s also normal. Because isn’t that just how life goes? Energy is zapped and life gets on top of us.. right? Not really. Not if you don’t want it to. Not if that energy has been taken away, right before your very own eyes. Not if it’s also being presented to you again and it’s there for the taking. And it’s again fully experienced. Then life doesn’t have to become a slump and we don’t have to settle for a weaker state of being, just because that’s what happens.

Things happen because they’re supposed to happen. To embrace it all, is to go with what is presented in the moment and never to fight it. Fighting it, brings on the ageing of body, mind and soul. If we only have one shot at this life, then why would we want to stop the flow of everything that occurs along the way, just because it’s not what we wanted or hoped for? Our path is already planned out, even before we set foot on it. So why not just go with the years that will make up our lifetime on this earth, following the destined road, seeing where it will lead, without making life more difficult than it sometimes can be. This just lessens the happiness we could be experiencing while we’re here.

I’m 26 and I’m here. I’m alive and kicking. I’m happy and I’m healthy. I'm grateful. Whatever happens this year, is okay. Whatever way things go and no matter what happens, it’s fine. Because it simply has to be. There’s no other way around it. I wouldn’t want there to be any other way either, because what would be the reason for it not to be fine? Really there never is a reason..only to feel that precious feeling of being young, no matter what a date of birth might say..