My tattoo story - 1

Ever since this journey started, I knew that as soon as all would be done and dusted, I'd be wanting a new tattoo to represent this life-changing experience I've gone through. That was a certainty to start with. Throughout the months, the idea would come to me, now and then.

It was around November or December when I had decided what it was, that I wanted the tattoo to represent. It was the thing that I had missed the most. I started to become aware of the same word over and over again. It would come to me and it would almost plague me in my sleep. The word was linked to most of worries, fears, longings, dreams and desires I had each day. It was also the word that I wrote most about and that came up quite regularly in this blog. From the very start, all I wanted was to experience the feeling that that particular word can give. I had had it, for so long, but it was gone and I needed it back. Just like everyone does I suppose. That word can hold a different meaning to each individual. For me, it had been my all, and it will be again. The word I'm talking about is Freedom. That's what had been taken away from me. That's the thing that I had taken for granted, when I had it all those months ago. That's the thing that would help me along and drive to get better, whenever I would have images of glimpses of being free in my hours of darkness.

Freedom in body, mind and soul. That's all I wanted. 3 or 4 months ago, as I got stronger and gained more clarity, the thing that started to pop in to my mind, that was linked to freedom, were wings. I wanted them so badly. I had visions of me being able to move so freely and able to go wherever the seasons and the wind would take me. All without effort, all without fear of getting lost. I could have written for hours on end about the importance and the meaning of being able experience the sense of freedom that wings can give. (not that I'm a bird of course..but only imagining that a person could have the slightest little sense of such an ability to be able to fly, was enough for me to want a pair..) That's around the time I knew that, once I'd be on top of things and feel safe to close this period of my life, I'd want a tattoo of wings. Wings to fly, wings to soar, wings to be free, wings to go with the flow. Wings to be flexible as the wind of change that leads the way.

2 months ago, I knew that things were going good for me and I had decided that I'd get my tattoo done, the next time I'd be in Holland. Why? Because I had heard great stories about the tattoo shop, near to where Emma lives. And I knew for certain that 2 months would give me time to settle with the idea that I was ready and allowing myself to get the tattoo done. I was also certain that my head would be in the right place by that stage. And right now, as I'm just back from Holland since last night and sitting back at the kitchen table, I've had my tattoo done!!!

I knew I'd go through with it, but never believed I'd finally see the day. A few weeks before going to Holland, Emma said that she was getting her tattoo done, in the same week I was visiting them. That's when I knew it was definitely time for me to go ahead and get it done. After days and days of searching the Internet for the perfect set of wings, there was nothing I could find that suited the tattoo I already have on my lower back. I have a Celtic knot that represents the journey of the soul. Initially I wanted a pair of Celtic-knotted wings, one on either side of the tattoo I already have. I didn't want a pair of feathered wings. They had to be different and not a typical pair of wings..
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