My tattoo story - 2

I decided to design my own wings. That way they'd be unique and I would aim for them to fit with my other Celtic knot. So I decided to draw them in such a way that within the wings, there would also be other symbols with certain meanings that I feel have helped me throughout the months and will continue to do so, whenever things get tough. I started with the Celtic spiral. Spirals can represent different meanings. But that's with many Celtic symbols. They all have a meaning, but at the end of the day it's so personal..the meaning to link to the spiral that you draw. I wanted the spirals to be the main "substance" of the wings, but in such a way that as the spirals come together, with a little imagination, a wing can be seen. Each wing has 4 spirals. One for representing balance, one for growth, one for awareness and one for creativity. These 4 aspects have given me so much. They mean so much to me and those words I've come across so often too.

Balance is something around which life revolves. It can be in the smallest or the largest sense of the word. It's about balancing the opposites in the emotional world and the physical world. To have appreciation for experiencing one state of being or one certain lifestyle or one particular emotion or one material possession, someone has to have experienced the other. That's when gratitude is felt, and that's also when we'll know we always have something, no matter how big or small, to be happy about. By being able to maintain balance in life, a healthy state of mind, body and soul is what can be felt. Finding that balance isn't easy but can only lead to something amazing.. A happy you!

Growth is made, each and every living moment. And choosing to see and embrace this growth, can help us learn and experience and move even closer towards becoming our true selves, the person we're meant to be which is simply "complete by being fulfilled". Growing and evolving will always be a part of life, and knowing this, every lesson in life is valued.

Awareness has been something for me, that I never knew existed. Or, more to the point, I knew it existed but had never experienced it before or known what it actually entailed. Now however, I know exactly what it means and the contribution it can make to someones life. I never want to forget what can come from being aware. Aware meaning in-tune with how life is being dealt with and in-tune with what is going on in the surroundings and the effect it could be having, either emotionally, mentally or physically. Also through stillness, peace and tranquility nothing will ever slip-in and start possessing a soul. With awareness and taking responsibility for what comes into the awareness, be they feelings or behaviour, nothing can go unnoticed.

Creativity is what I've discovered throughout the past 9 months that is always within ones reach. It's when choosing to use the creativity, when unique things can come into being. It's amazing to feel it and to express it can bring even more joy. I never could have imagined that wanting and needing to write, would be where this journey would have led me. I never would have considered what I'm considering at this moment in time, if I hadn't chosen to write about my experience. Creativity is so endless and it holds no boundaries. To have that and to realize that it's there and to feel so good whilst using it, is something I never ever want to let go of. It scares me, thinking I'd have to. But I don't. I know what creativity can do and I also know that to a certain extent, it saved me. It's been amazing..

Each spiral has it's own story. And I managed to link them all together. Beside the spirals there was another symbol I wanted to use. And that's the symbol of 3 rays. It's 3 little stripes: the two outer rays represent the masculine and feminine energies and the middle ray represents the balance between both energies. It could also be compared to the yin and yang symbol, but probably more the Celtic version. Having a masculine and a feminine side, means to be courageous, strong and powerful but also for instance, nurturing, intuitive and compassionate. Both sides are recognized, embraced and balanced. It means to be complete.

The design came together so quickly and I enjoyed doing it so much! Once I was in Holland, me and Emma went to the tattoo shop, so they could see the design I wanted, if it needed to be redrawn before getting it done and just for a second opinion as to how it would look with the tattoo I already have. They were so nice and friendly and gave their honest opinion. Which I valued alot..they are the professionals after all. After having told them I wanted it on my lower back, they said that it wouldn't be as nice. The tattoo I already have, is slightly crooked..it's a little to the right. And to put 2 identical designs on either side, would only make it look even more crooked. Which I can understand. I always knew that it wasn't straight on my back, but thought that by extending it, it would look more in place. But, apparently it wouldn't. And she also said that my back would be too small, to have the tattoo extended and it would end up looking like a big black blotch. I felt a little deflated, because where was I going to put my wings now then?? Considering other places to put the wings.. humm.. It was difficult, because the back does seem to be the most logical place to have wings.. Then I thought about my ribs..humm.. extremely painful (the most painful spot I've heard). She suggested to have them on the insides of my underarms.. One wing on either side. Once she suggested that, I was like "Yes!! that's it!! that's what I want!!" They redrew the design, to make it more elegant and I got the idea into my head of bringing in some red, so it wouldn't be too black. So it was all set, I had a few days to get used to the idea of having them on my arms.. and the appointment was made for the following Thursday. I was so excited!

On the day itself, I was nervous, but nothing like I would usually be. Emma was getting hers done aswell, at the same time, so we had each other for support. She was getting her little mans' name on the outside of her wrist.. Aiden, in celtic letters. So cute! Dealing with the nerves, was okay. I just needed to stay calm, throughout the build-up. The other tattoo I got done, was a huge ordeal. I was a bag of nerves, hyperactive, nearly got sick, nearly fainted and the pain was unbearable..I remember thinking I was paralyzed afterwards. I really didn't want this time to be such a big deal. I was calm, but anxious at the same time, up until we were at the front door of the tattoo shop. That to me, was the point of no return (just like skydiving, the most nerve-wrecking point of the whole experience, was getting in to the plane instead of the actual jump out of the plane.. because it was the point of no return). Once we were inside and everything was being set-up, I was okay. I just wanted to get it done..

But as we were driving there, I could have gotten so emotional. It had nothing to do with the pain of getting it done or the uncertainty that it might or might not turn out the way I wanted it to, or the fear of regretting having it done. But just the whole meaning behind the tattoo. It was like another turning point. Maybe slightly bigger than other steps I've made throughout the past months. I was actually getting it done! For months I wanted to get my wings, and now was the time. It was a little like therapy. Accept there would be no words, just pain. But great pain. Pain with something special and meaningful once I come out the otherside.
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